September 2012

#171 Week of September 2, 2012

Schindler Sez

No excuse is better than one.

Research

Research has shown that the DNA of bonobo apes and chimpanzees are only 1.3 percent different than that of humans. Research has also shown that animals are a lot smarter than previously thought. Doesn’t it seem strange that even without any schools, not counting the fish schools of course; apes seem to be getting smarter, while we humans, their closely related cousins, seem to be intellectually speaking, going the wrong way?

The Stinkers

            We all know who the real stinkers are. They’re the folks who think theirs don’t stink.

The Boobie Prize

Michael Phelps has won more Olympic medals than anyone in history. Wow! And to think I never even won a boobie prize, but I keep on hoping.

#172 Week of September 9, 2012

Schindler Sez

Never let the facts get in the way of a good story.

The Wife Knows

After a thorough examination, my cardiologist, Dr. Mirro, said, “You’re perfect.”

“Doc,” I said, “would you please tell my wife that?”

            “Why?” he answered, “she won’t believe it.”

The Power of Prayer

             During World War II, Sim Hain was a B24 bomber pilot in the Pacific theater. On one of his forty missions, he was flying only about 500 feet above the ocean approaching a freighter, which was carrying supplies to support the enemy. As they neared the freighter, it opened up with machine gun and artillery fire. With bullets and flack whizzing all around his plane, Sim kept saying, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” over and over, as they neared the freighter. His crew returned fire and with machine guns blazing while they bombed and sunk the freighter.

Miracle of miracles, Sim’s B24 and his brave crew came through unscathed, despite all of the enemy fire. After telling me this story the only comment Sim had was, “Talk about the power of prayer.”

Sim, God bless you and your gallant crew.

For all you Doubting Thomas’s, a famous general once said, “I never met an atheist in a foxhole.”

#173 Week of September 16, 2012

Schindler Sez

“You can’t teach common sense.”

Cocky’s Observation

I went to the showing of my good friend, Ton Sefton, who died recently and the place was packed. As a matter of fact, they brought more chairs into the crowded room for a few other stragglers. After paying my respects and talking to some of my friends, as I was about to leave I ran into another old buddy, Cocky Faurote. And he said, “When I die, I couldn’t get this big of a crowd even if they handed out door prizes!”

The Congress

            Baboons are the loudest, most dangerous, obnoxious and the least intelligent of all primates. Do you know what they call a group of baboons? A congress…and that’s a fact! Now, were they called that before, or were they called that after our current congress? Since our current congress seems to be obnoxious and not too bright, logic tells me it’s after them.

He who opens a school door closes a prison.

~Victor Hugo

#174 Week of September 23

Schindler Sez

It is better to tweet than to toot.

A Marine’s Concern 

            “When I joined the military it was illegal to be homosexual, then it became optional and now it’s legal. I’m getting out before the Democrats make it mandatory.”

Sgt. Harry Berres, USMC

Good Old Jack S

After I was introduced to a man called, Jack S. Smith, I asked him if he wanted me to call him Smitty or Jack S.

“Smitty is fine,” he answered with a frown.

“Okay, Jack S,” I replied, “I’ll call you Smitty.”

Bay-thoven

Why did Beethoven pronounce his name Bay-thoven instead of Bee-thoven? Maybe he just wanted to bee a Bay.  But that’s O’bay with me! You got to hand it to Beethoven…he never missed a beat.

#175 Week of September 30, 2012

Schindler Sez

Anything conceivable is achievable…except for a contradiction.

For example; you can’t have a square circle.

No Doubt

            Better to remain silent and have people think you’re a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.

An olde saying

The Golden Rule

Germany committed 290 billion to help bail out Greece, Portugal, Ireland and other European Union countries that are in financial trouble and in danger of defaulting on their loans. In Athens, anti-German demonstrators wore Nazi uniforms and in Poland they accused Germany of having imperial ambitions; simply because, as part of the deal, the Germans want to establish some rules, which basically require those countries to put their financial houses in order.       Needless to say, to say the Greeks and Poles didn’t like the rules, but they would be more than happy to relieve Germany of her billions. What Greece and the other troubled EU countries need to understand is the “Golden Rule,” which goes, “He who has the gold makes the rules.”

Most people are stupid enough to believe what they read in the newspaper.

~Al Capone~

#176 Week of October 7, 2012

Schindler Sez

Rumor has it that Tiger’s ex-wife was pretty good with a nine iron.

Take Take

The problems we face today are because the people who work for a living are just about outnumbered by people who vote for a living. This can easily be resolved; if you pay no income taxes, you are not eligible to vote. Why should people who take, take and contribute nothing to society have a voice in, or dictate how that society should be governed? Their only concern is what benefits they can get at the taxpayers’ expense and then complain it’s not enough.

Wrinkles: What other people have that are similar to my character lines.

~The net~

The Article of Confuseration

“I couldn’t understand one of the articles in your column,” a friend said.

“You’re kidding?”

“No, I’m serious.”

“Gee, I didn’t think I was smart enough to confuse anyone. You made my day.”