December 18, 2010

Schindler Sez

When incompetence gets in our way, it's the computer's fault.

Cats & Dogs & Santa Claus

If cats call their Santa, Santa Claws, what do dogs cal theirs...Santa Paws!

The Bird

"Mom's canary died," my wife, Fry, informed me. But I got her another one and you won't believe how much it cost."
"How much?"
"A hundred and ten dollars."
"You're serious?"
"Yes, a hundred and ten dollars."
"That's a lot, considering people give me the bird for nothing."

Light up his Night
Give him a Coleman for Christmas...it'll light up his night.

December 11, 2010

Schindler Sez
Retirement is the Grim Reaper's helper.

A Farve

He pulled a Favre.
Translation: he changed his mind.

The Good Neighbor

Mike phoned his neighbor. "Hey Tom, wanna have a scotch?"
"Sure."
"Do you have any?"
"Yeah."
"That's great...bring it over with you."

Christmas Bills

Why does Santa get all the credit and all I get is the bills?

December 4, 2010

Schindler Sez
No one likes criticism...even if it's the truth.

It's Bad

Is the stench in the White House so bad that even Rahm had to get the hell out of there?

Looking Stupid

Whenever I see a driver doing something stupid, if I have an opportunity to pass him, I always glance over to see what stupid looks like and usually I'm not disappointed.

Women!

I was sitting at the breakfast table and when my wife walked over, I intentionally looked into my empty coffee cup for a second or two. Somewhat aggravated , she said, "If you wanted some more coffee, why didn't you let me know?"
"Well," I replied, "I thought if I snapped my fingers or whistled; you'd get mad!"
If looks could kill, I'd be dead! Women...they have no sense of humor.

Question

Do alligators call their Santa...Santa Jaws?