#167 Week of August
5, 2012
Schindler Sez
A lot of folks get a
kick out of telling others where to go.
Don’t Shovel It
There are all kinds of theories
bandied about as to why folks are overweight or obese. It’s estimated that
about 35% of American are. Of course fast food, super sizing, soft drinks, and
restaurants in general are blamed. Then the large food companies are faulted for
adding sugar, fats and salt, which actually do make the food taste better.
Everyone and everything is blamed,
except the obese ones. Don’t you think they should be held responsible for
their actions? To my knowledge, no one forces anything down anyone’s gullet.
The following quotes that I’ve heard over my innumerable years might help us
all.
“If you don’t put it
in…you won’t put it on.”
“Eat to live…don’t
“Live to eat.”
“You are what you eat.”
“Eat with a fork…not
with a shovel.”
Beerski’s
Do the Polish call
their beers Brewski’s?
#168 August
12, 2012
Schindler Sez
The way to
a woman’s heart is to guess her ten to fifteen years younger than she actually
is.
The Cheese Story
My wife and
I had dinner at Bandido’s this past Monday with our son-in-law, C.J., and our four
grandkids. During dinner, the youngest, four-year-old Anna, who was sitting
next to my wife with a smile so big that it crinkled her nose, whispered,
“Nanny, guess what?”
“What
Anna?”
“I just cut
the cheese.”
The Mirror
I just finished working out at the
“Y’ and was walking to my car when I saw a friend of mine, Sexy Rexy, getting out of his big, brand new, cherry
red, 4X4 pick-up truck.
“Does
driving that truck make you feel more like a man?” I asked smiling.
“Yeah,” he
answered forcefully, somewhat irritated by my comment. “I bet you don’t have
one!”
“I don’t
need one,” I replied. When I want to feel like a man…I just look in the
mirror.”
#169 August 19, 2012
Schindler Sez
The reason I’m not a
baseball fan is…it drives me batty.
The Bracelets
A lot of
educators are up in arms because some high school kids are wearing “Boobie”
bracelets. I don’t understand it. I thought everyone liked them.
Thank God
During a
conversation with a few of my Hispanic friends, Carlos, Enrique, Miguel and
Frankie, the only gringo beside me, Frankie admitted that he couldn’t swim.
“No
kidding,” I said somewhat surprised.
“Thank God
you’re not Mexican!” Enrique interjected.
Five or Six
Humans have
five senses. Sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell. Only a few lucky ones have
a sixth; the aforementioned five and the sixth, which is common sense. How many
do you have? Don’t lie!
#170 Week of
August 26, 2012
Schindler Sez
Only brush and floss
the teeth you want to keep.
Leo
On August 22, I was
born; they tell me I’m a Leo.
But my mane is shorn
and my tail is short,
So there’s lots of room in my speedo.
Calling 911
Did you read about the nut who
called 911 because the deli didn’t put enough cheese and mayonnaise on his
sandwich? If I was the 911 operator, I would have told him where to put it. On
the other hand, maybe he thought he was dying from hunger!
Definition:
The agony of de-feet:
when they’re in your mouth
Not Once
Lately someone came up with the
five second rule. That is, if you drop food on the floor, and you pick it up
within five seconds, it’s safe to eat. Back in the nineteen forties, when I was
a kid, if we dropped some food on the floor, we never worried how long it was
on the floor, we just picked it up and ate it…and it never killed us once!
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