#253 Week of May 4, 2014
Schindler Sez
Tomorrow never comes and
today never goes.
The Quite One
Many,
many years ago, when I was a young man, my favorite hangout was a great little
bar called, “Tony’s Tap.” On one of the walls was a framed painting. It was a
picture of a lady dressed as pilgrim, minus a head. On the bottom of that
painting was an inscription which said, “The Quiet Woman.”
Ladies
please, those were not my words….I was just describing the picture.
The Bible Sez
…In
fact, when we were with you, we instructed you that if anyone was unwilling to
work, neither should that one eat…
Thessalonians 3:7-12
Mexicans Do
A
lady, one our customers at Bandido’s, said to the manager proudly as she came
into the restaurant, “This is the third time I’ve been here this week.”
Another lady who was standing nearby,
overheard her and said, “How can you eat Mexican food that often.”
“Why
not,” she answered, “Mexicans do.”
The difference between
genius and stupidity is genius has its limits.
~Albert Einstein
#254 Week of May 11, 2014
Schindler Sez
You don’t have to be a
fisherman to know when something smells fishy.
The Cut
When Skip, my soon to be world famous
barber, finished cutting his dad’s hair, he asked, “How do you like it?
“It looks good,” dad replied, “but
you can’t make a race horse out of a jackass.”
Charity is not part of the
legislative duty of a government.
~ James Madison (father of our
constitution)
The Tub
In
the Cialis ads, a man and woman are sitting in separate bath tubs. It seems to
me that if that stuff really works, they’d be in the same tub.
Even Me
I’m not knocking Shelly or
Keats,
But understanding their
poetry, can be quite a feat.
Mine are as simple as they
can be,
So everyone can understand
them…even me!
My Roses
My roses are wilting
My violets are dead
My billfold’s as empty,
As a politician’s head.
#255 Week of
May 18, 2014
Schindler Sez
A
liberal is someone who wants to pay off someone else’s debts with your money.
Voter ID
There
is quite a controversy over requiring voters to present picture IDs to insure
they are qualified to vote. What’s the big deal? After all, aren’t we required
to present our pictured driver’s license just to buy a drink and for other
reasons?
Any fool can figure out that if voters are not
required to prove they are eligible to vote…there will be one hell of a lot
more voter fraud and we already have too much of that. Just think of all the
non-citizens and others who would and could vote illegally to enhance their
party’s chances of winning, so they can get more government handouts, if no
picture ID was required. (Of special interest … Mexico requires them.)
By-the-way,
isn’t it interesting that as a rule, the Republicans are for showing a picture
ID, while the Democrats are against it? And isn’t it strange that most illegals
support the Democratic Party?
Cranes
Recently
a flock of sand hill cranes flew over Decatur and no matter how much I craned
my neck, I couldn’t spot them. But I did see a crane picking up junk cars.
The Award
After several days of rain here in
Fort Wayne, a local TV weatherman said and I quote, “It won’t stop until it
ends” Quite frankly I think he deserves the “Yogi Berra” award of the year.
#256 Week of
May 25, 2014
Schindler Sez
I love horses…but not horses
asses.
No-See-Ums
China,
who is potentially one our greatest adversaries, is modernizing and increasing
the size of their armed forces. At the same time, the Obama regime is cutting
our military budget and downsizing our forces, while Russia is using theirs to
take over Crimea. Any fool can see that
as a result, China is becoming stronger and Russia more aggressive, while we
are becoming weaker. Is the Obama administration for real, or are their heads
in a very dark place? You decide. Clue: they can’t see very well.
The Boom
The Model T Ford,
Was an instant boon,
And its back seat,
Caused a baby boom.
Goodbye
According
to a column in the Journal Gazette, a recent study found that adults who ate a
diet high in animal protein during middle age, were nearly twice as likely to
die. Now, since it has been verified that I’m going to die, I think I’ll just
have another steak or two and go out all beefed up. Moo-moo buck-a-roo!
#257 Week of
June 1, 2014
Schindler Sez
Rules we don’t agree
with…are always stupid.
The Little
Outhouse
I lived on a farm,
Many years ago,
That had a little outhouse,
Where I used to go.
With a Sears catalog,
That I loved to read,
And missing pages,
Used for a need.
But I couldn’t sit there,
And dilly-dally
Cause it had no flusher,
And got pretty smelly!
“Cut your own wood and it
will warm you twice.
Abraham Lincoln
#258 Week of
June 8, 1014
Schindler Sez
If most folks polished themselves
like they do their shoes…they’d be well polished.
Resting
When
I walked into the barbershop to get a haircut, my barber Skip, was sitting
there with his eyes closed. “Hello, are you taking a nap?” I asked.
“No,”
he answered, “I was just resting my eyes.”
“Do
you usually snore when you’re resting them?”
Accidents
Kids
in the back seat cause accidents…accidents in the back seat causes kids. Now
don’t you wish you were more careful?
The Confession
The
last time I went to confession, I
said, “Bless me Father for I have sinned…you name it and I’ll tell you how many
times.
The Big Wheel
A
Wisconsin cheese maker, Gerard Sinnesberger, won the top prize in the 2014
World Championship Cheese Contest. He won for his original Schweizer Rohmilch
Emmentaler big wheel Swiss cheese.
When
they took his picture at the award ceremony, I wonder if they asked everyone to
say cheese. Regardless, I guess this makes him a big wheel in the cheese
business.
#259 Week of
June 15, 2014
Schindler Sez
Without guns we’d still be
British and talk funny.
A Combination
A few
days ago when I brushed my hair, all kinds of white flakes started to swirl about.
I thought it was either snowing inside or I had a bad case of dandruff.
Unfortunately it was a combination of both, since the dandruff kept snowing on
my shirt.
A new
study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the
men who mention it!
The Net
Bar Stool
Mountain
This story
reminds me of that old country song, “Bar Stool Mountain.”
A
lady is suing a bar because she fell off of a bar stool and broke her wrist.
She claims the bar stool was too high. Quite frankly, I don’t believe the bar
stool was as high as she was…unless of course, she was sitting on “Bar Stool
Mountain.”
After
reading the above snippet, a friend asked me if I ever fell off of a bar stool.
“Hell no,” I answered, I’ve never been that drunk,” but I sure like that song.”
New Age
Did
the bitter cold and snowy past winter start of a new weather phenomenon called,
“The freeze your butt off age”?
#260 Week of
June 22, 2014
Schindler Sez
Winning
an election does not make the winner a genius … it just means he or she got the
most votes.
She Likes Me?
Many
times when my wife is talking about someone, she says, “Oh, you know her.”
“No I
don’t.”
“Yes
you do.”
“I
don’t think so.”
“Yes
you do. Don’t you remember, blah, blah, blah…
“So
what you’re trying to tell me is I know someone I didn’t know I knew? Gee, I wonder if she likes me.”
The Southern
Part
After
stopping a Hispanic looking kid, the cop asked, “Where are you from?”
The
young man replied, “Ecuador.”
“Ecuador?
What part of Mexico is that in?”
Trying
to suppress his laughter, the kid joked, “In the southern part.”
The Curb
Isn’t
it amazing how eating curbs the appetite? But somehow, at least it seems to me,
a lot of folks have jumped over the curb.
#261 Week of
June 29, 2014
Schindler Sez
If you have do what everyone
does…do it better.
Wisdom
The
researchers at Canada’s Simon Fraser University, found as far as brainpower is
concerned, you’re over the hill after 24. They have also found, as far as
cognitive skills (reasoning and thinking) go, 24 year-olds and under are a lot
faster. But they admit as we age we get wiser. However, they claim that wisdom
is not a substitute for speed. I don’t give a damn what the researchers say, my
wife is still more impressed by wisdom than speed.
Hammered
Despite
Dianne Feinstein, (D-CA), and Joe Manchin’s, (D-WV), efforts to ban rifles,
according to the FBI, there are more people murdered with hammers and clubs
than by rifles. In addition, according to the FBI, more people are killed by
hands and fists than by rifles. Therefore, wouldn’t it more sense to ban the things
responsible for the most murders? But don’t tell the liberals. Because if they
try to ban those, they’ll get hammered.
Finally,
doesn’t common sense tell us that if someone legally had a gun, wouldn’t they
be a lot less likely to be hit by a hammer or a club? But what the heck has
common sense and
politicians have in common anyway? If they had any,
the country wouldn’t be in such a mess.
Airborne
Did you see the TV ad about
the car that has seven air bags? Just think, if they would all go off at the
same time, it would probably go airborne. What a ride!
