#189 Week of January 6, 2013
I’ve been asked several times if I write
the poems in my columns. To those of you who think I’m not clever enough, sorry
to disappoint you, but yes I do! However, from time to time, if I do include a
poem by another author, such as “I never saw a Purple Cow, “by Gelett Burgess,
I will definitely give them the credit they so richly deserve.
~Jim Schindler
Schindler Sez
You can’t sit around and wait for
good things to happen…you got to get off your duff and make them happen.
Schindler’s Prophecy
On
December twenty-first
The
world will end,
According
to the calendar,
Of the ancient Mayan.
But
that fateful day
Has
come and gone,
And
the prophets of doom.
Were
embarrassingly wrong.
The
world will end,
I
say unto you,
It
won’t be this year,
But
in a million or two.
# 190 Week of January 13, 2013
Schindler Sez
The problem with getting a fat head…
is your hat won’t fit anymore.
The Papal Pardon
Paolo,
the Pope’s personal butler, received a penance to be performed in the papal prison,
for pilfering and peddling parts and pieces from the pope’s private papers,
which painfully perplexed the Pontiff. But the purloiner was plenty pleased
when the pope performed a papal pardon, which released him from the pontiff’s pen.
~Joe & Cathy Freistroffer
The Scratch
In a small study by some British
psychologists, sixty-four percent of the participants scratched themselves
while watching images of people scratching themselves. That’s a higher
percentage than people yawning, when they see someone else yawn, (40 to 60%).
To me, that’s not surprising. A yawn is just a yawn, but a good scratch, feels
soooo good. Of course, how good depends on what you’re scratching.
Why Banks Fail
When you cut through all the bull
crap, the primary reason banks fail is because of bad loans.
#191 Week of January 20, 2013
Schindler Sez
If
you want to get along swimmingly…don’t swim upstream.
Moms Away!
Recently,
Phil and Marjorie lost their daughter, Laura, whose loves were Florida, Siesta
Key, and the gulf. Shortly before her untimely demise, she asked that her
remains be cremated and spread over the Gulf of Mexico, a few miles out from
Siesta Key. As her children, Chris and Aaron, were flying high above the gulf,
in accordance to her wishes, they turned the urn with their mother’s ashes
upside down, and shouted, “Moms away!”
January in Hades
January is our
coldest month,
To that I can attest.
But to those in the
Netherworld,
It’s the month they
love the best.
Grandpa’s Luck
As
Steve was getting his six-year-old grandson, Will, ready to go out, he said,
“Grandpa, you sure are lucky.”
“Why?”
grandpa wanted to know.
“Because
you don’t have any hair to brush.”
#192 Week of January 27, 2012
Schindler Sez
There’s
a reason God gave us two ears and one mouth and isn’t it a darn shame a lot of
folks still haven’t figured it out?
Good Timing
Miguel
was about to board his flight when he politely stepped aside so an old lady,
who seemed somewhat out of sorts, could pass through. “Thank you,” she gratefully said. “You seem
like such a nice man.”
“You’re
welcome,” he answered. “But, just relax; we’re all going to get there at the
same time.”
The Working Woman
I hadn’t seen my friend Bruce for
quite a while and during our conversation I asked him if he was still married.
“Sure,” he replied. “No reason to
replace her…she’s still working.”
Why Romney Lost
After Mitt Romney said, “When I’m elected, I will put Americans back to work,” almost
half of the voters thought, “Screw that!
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