January 23, 2010

Schindler Sez

At least 90 percent of all convicts are innocent. If you don't believe me...ask them!

Just and Reasonable

An airline's main business is transporting people from one location to another. Anyone with a brain knows this is accomplished by selling seats. Consequently, if a person, for whatever reason, needs two seats, why shouldn't he/she pay for them? If one requires more than one seat, how can that be prejudice if they have to pay for what they use? After all, isn't it just and reasonable to conclude that...if your use it, you must pay for it? Finally, if they don't pay for the seats they use, other passengers will eventually be charged more to make up for the lost revenue and that is neither just nor reasonable.

A Great Day

I went to the hospital to see my old friend Bob Cook, who had a serious heart problem and was in the coronary care unit. "Bob," I said, "how ya' feeling?"
"Oh, I feel pretty good now, but yesterday I had a great day."
"You did?"
"Yeah, Tom Sefton, my undertaker, came up for a visit and he left without me!"

Schindler Sez

Do you think a little oinkment would help those who have swine flu?

Grandpa's Lessons

Every Saturday, Grandpa Tom would take his granddaughter to lunch. He would also have a special treat for her, like taking her to a movie or going to the zoo. One particular Saturday, grandpa wasn't feeling up to par, so grandma filled in. When they came home grandpa asked the apple of his eye if she had a good time."We really had fun." the granddaughter answered, "and we never saw one son-of-a-bitch or horses' ass!"

Lying Eyes

Sometimes, when I go into one of my Bandido's Mexican Restaurants and see something that isn't the way it's supposed to be and the manager or employee says, "I don't know what happened; it's never like that," I tell them this story.
There was once a man making love to his girlfriend when his wife walked in. As soon as he saw her, he jumped out of bed, ran up to her and said, "Honey, are you going to believe me or your lying eyes?"

January 9, 2010

Schindler Sez

If everyone was the same...life would be pretty damn boring.

The Toilet Seat

I don't know why some women get so upset when a man doesn't lower the toilet seat. I'd think that they'd be happy he raised it. After all, isn't it easier to put it down than to wipe it off?

Hittin' Bottom
(An ode to the porcelain Throne)

"The seat was up again," she said,
As angry as can be.
"I lifted it, to keep it dry,
So you wouldn't ge mad," said he.

"I sat down," she continued on,
"and fell right in...you lout!"
"My dear," said he, "You might have drowned,
Thank God you bottomed out!"

A No-Brainer

Never let your mouth work faster than your brain!

January 2, 2010

Schindler Sez
"You can't have a first class operation with second class people."

A Healthy Plan

I think it's obvious that our health care system needs to be overhauled. There are just too many people who cannot afford health insurance. Even for the insured, a major illness or disease could, financially speaking, wipe out entire families and force countless hard working Americans into bankruptcy.
However, rather than Congress trying to shove a 2,000 page health care bill down our throats, that in all probability not a damn one of them read, know what it's going to cost, or how to pay for it; wouldn't it be better if they took a few months to study some of the best health care programs throughout in the world that really work. Like the ones in Germany, Japan, and some of the other countries.
Then Congress could incorporate the best features from these programs and come up with a plan that would truly work, be cost effective, and in the best interest of all Americans. To me, this makes so much sense, that I'm certain many of our, to hell with my constituents what's in it for me, congressman would never consider this approach.

No Crap

Tonight I finished off what had to be about a gallon of that horrible concoction that one has to drink to clean out their colon before a colonoscopy. And let me tell you, for about six hours Mr. John was my best friend. That is, until that awful drink finished its dirty work. Well, at least now no one can say, "I'm full of crap!"

December 26, 2009

Schindler Sez

Merry Christmas to Jeff Coleman, aka; the "California Kid," and all my friends, relatives and readers. Happy New Year and may 2010, be the best year you've every had. God bless.

The Game of Life

A few years ago when my son Jimmie was a senior at the University of Notre Dame, like many college students, he partied until the wee hours of the morning, slept at least until noon,lived on fast food and spent hours playing video games. During Christmas break he practically lived in the rec-room in our basement, and as I walked in on him he was playing one of his favorite games.
"Jimmie," I said, "There is more to life than eating, sleeping, and excreting. What have you done today to improve your mind or yourself?" Glancing at me, he continued to play. "In the long run, "I continued, "Do you know the only game that really counts?" It's the game of...,"
"Life, Dad. The game of life."
"Well, son, then maybe you'd be better off if you started to learn how to play that game!"

Partnership

When I was in the seventh grade an old farmer who lived next door gave me this advice. I can still recall it, even though at the time I didn't understand what he meant and I wondered why he was telling it to me. He said, "Son, always remember, Partnership is a poor ship to sail." How I wish I had listened to that old man, because it could have saved me a lot of rough sailing!