The Quiet Woman

Charlie’s mother died, and true to her wishes, he had her cremated. It was a beautiful Indiana summer day when he got a call from the mortuary that his mother’s ashes were ready to be picked up. So he stopped, claimed the urn with her remains and headed to the lake to spend the day.

About halfway there, Charlie looked over at his mother sitting on the front seat and said, “Mom, this is the first time that you ever rode to the lake with me without bitching about my driving.”

Legal

Sixty-three-year old Terry was starting to show his age. He had prostate cancer, the beginning of Parkinson’s disease, and several other maladies. “The problem with getting older,” he told my wife, Fry, “is that I have the whole counter full of drugs…and they’re all legal!”

Schindler Sez

A wise man keeps his wife happy!

Jeff

Jeff was diagnosed with throat cancer, and after extensive surgery and radiation, he was found to be cancer free. On a follow up visit a few months later, after a thorough examination, the good doctor exclaimed, “You’re doing great! No sign of cancer. Are you still smoking?”

“Yeah,” Jeff sheepishly answered.

“Cool,” the doctor responded, “let’s go into the garage and have one.”

Happiness

Happiness has nothing to do with where you are physically, but everything to do with where you are mentally!

No Drive

Prior to World War II, it was fairly common in many small Midwestern towns that a lot of families didn’t own cars and therefore, many folks never learned to drive.

After World War II started, in the early 1940s, Sim Hain, a small town boy from Decatur, Indiana, found himself flying one of the huge, four-engine B24 bombers on missions over theSouth Pacific. Sim flew forty-five missions and had more than a thousand hours of flying time. Consequently, he was a well-seasoned combat pilot.

One particular morning Sim was supposed to pick up the commanding officer (CO) and drive him to his office. After checking out a staff car from the motor pool, Sim showed up at the CO’s quarters with not only a car, but also a driver. When the CO asked him why he brought a driver along, Sim, a little red faced from embarrassment, explained, “Sir, I never learned to drive!”

Schindler Sez

If you want to find out who owns your home…don’t pay your property taxes!

Schindler Sez

If your dog ran away would he be dog-gone?

Dante Alighieri

"The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crises."

The Common Sense Rule

The Congressional Budget Office estimates that Obama’s budget will generate an average deficit of about $1 trillion a year, which most economists agree is unsustainable. Obviously, even with his Harvard education, Obama has never learned the common sense rule of fiscal responsibility, which is, if you spend more than you take in…you’re going go broke! Don’t you think our country would be a lot better off if all politicians lived by this common sense rule?

“Global Warming” …Ooops… “Carbon Pollution”

Scientific findings have confirmed the lack of any significant “global warming” in the past 16 years. As a result it’s hard to scare people into doing something about it, if nothing bad is happening. That’s why the White House has again changed the name of “global warming and next then to “climate disruption.” Since “global warming” seems to have stalled and some major scientific players were poo-pooing “climate disruption,” the White House had no choice but to again change the name. Now the most recent name scam is “carbon pollution.” It’s their way of painting carbon dioxide as if it were black soot billowing from industrial smokestacks. Hence the name, “carbon pollution.” In fact, carbon dioxide is actually what we (humans) exhale and is food for trees and plants. Carbon dioxide is also necessary for all life on earth. If there is any pollution, it has to be from the stench in the White House.

Mark Twain

If you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed…if you do, you are misinformed.

Schindler Sez

Some people enjoy creating recipes…I enjoy eating them.

The Invasion

As of December, 2011, the latest year I could find statistics, there were over eleven million illegals living in the U.S. Hell, that’s not illegal immigration…that’s an invasion! ~Anon

Cool Thinking

The ALS association, which raises money for Lou Gehrig’s disease research, has raised almost $100 million by donors dumping a bucket of ice water over their heads and then contributing to their fund raiser. Even Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, George W. Bush and other celebrities have gotten into the act by dumping ice water over their heads and encouraging others to do the same. I don’t know who thought this gimmick up, but talk about “cool thinking”!

The Fan

A rare 1938 copy of Action Comics first edition of Superman, recently sold for $3.2 million dollars on eBay. Originally it cost ten cents. Quite frankly, I never thought Superman was that super. I’m a Batman fan!

The Gun

In Norridgewock, Maine, after a tree removal crew reported a man with a gun, the swat team rushed out with their assault rifles. The only gun they found was a life size pistol tattooed on his stomach. Still, it wouldn’t surprise me if the anti-gun advocates don’t demand its removal. But I don’t think they’ll have the stomach for it.

Schindler Sez

If Abe’s name was Joe…would he still have been honest?

A While

In London, scientists are growing noses, ears, windpipes and other body parts. So far only a few patients have received one, but researchers are hopeful that before too long, they will be able to transplant other body parts. Don’t get too excited men…that might take quite a while.

Relief

Researchers at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine are blaming Global Warming on the obese because they eat more and cause more greenhouse emissions. To help resolve the problem, I can lend them some of my gas relief tablets. But can I keep a few?