Schindler Sez

#253 Week of May 4, 2014

Schindler Sez

Tomorrow never comes and today never goes.

The Quite One

            Many, many years ago, when I was a young man, my favorite hangout was a great little bar called, “Tony’s Tap.” On one of the walls was a framed painting. It was a picture of a lady dressed as pilgrim, minus a head. On the bottom of that painting was an inscription which said, “The Quiet Woman.”

            Ladies please, those were not my words….I was just describing the picture.

The Bible Sez

…In fact, when we were with you, we instructed you that if anyone was unwilling to work, neither should that one eat…                                                 

Thessalonians 3:7-12

Mexicans Do

            A lady, one our customers at Bandido’s, said to the manager proudly as she came into the restaurant, “This is the third time I’ve been here this week.”

            Another lady who was standing nearby, overheard her and said, “How can you eat Mexican food that often.”

            “Why not,” she answered, “Mexicans do.”

The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits.

                                                                                                                        ~Albert Einstein

#254 Week of May 11, 2014

Schindler Sez

You don’t have to be a fisherman to know when something smells fishy.

The Cut

            When Skip, my soon to be world famous barber, finished cutting his dad’s hair, he asked, “How do you like it?

            “It looks good,” dad replied, “but you can’t make a race horse out of a jackass.”

Charity is not part of the legislative duty of a government.

~                                                                                  James Madison (father of our constitution)

                                                                                                                       

The Tub

            In the Cialis ads, a man and woman are sitting in separate bath tubs. It seems to me that if that stuff really works, they’d be in the same tub.

Even Me

I’m not knocking Shelly or Keats,

But understanding their poetry, can be quite a feat.

Mine are as simple as they can be,

So everyone can understand them…even me!

My Roses

My roses are wilting

My violets are dead

My billfold’s as empty,

As a politician’s head.

#255 Week of May 18, 2014

Schindler Sez

            A liberal is someone who wants to pay off someone else’s debts with your money.

Voter ID

            There is quite a controversy over requiring voters to present picture IDs to insure they are qualified to vote. What’s the big deal? After all, aren’t we required to present our pictured driver’s license just to buy a drink and for other reasons?  

            Any fool can figure out that if voters are not required to prove they are eligible to vote…there will be one hell of a lot more voter fraud and we already have too much of that. Just think of all the non-citizens and others who would and could vote illegally to enhance their party’s chances of winning, so they can get more government handouts, if no picture ID was required. (Of special interest … Mexico requires them.)

            By-the-way, isn’t it interesting that as a rule, the Republicans are for showing a picture ID, while the Democrats are against it? And isn’t it strange that most illegals support the Democratic Party?

Cranes

            Recently a flock of sand hill cranes flew over Decatur and no matter how much I craned my neck, I couldn’t spot them. But I did see a crane picking up junk cars.

The Award

            After several days of rain here in Fort Wayne, a local TV weatherman said and I quote, “It won’t stop until it ends” Quite frankly I think he deserves the “Yogi Berra” award of the year.

#256 Week of May 25, 2014

Schindler Sez

I love horses…but not horses asses.

No-See-Ums

            China, who is potentially one our greatest adversaries, is modernizing and increasing the size of their armed forces. At the same time, the Obama regime is cutting our military budget and downsizing our forces, while Russia is using theirs to take over Crimea.  Any fool can see that as a result, China is becoming stronger and Russia more aggressive, while we are becoming weaker. Is the Obama administration for real, or are their heads in a very dark place? You decide. Clue: they can’t see very well.

The Boom

The Model T Ford,

Was an instant boon,

And its back seat,

Caused a baby boom.

Goodbye

            According to a column in the Journal Gazette, a recent study found that adults who ate a diet high in animal protein during middle age, were nearly twice as likely to die. Now, since it has been verified that I’m going to die, I think I’ll just have another steak or two and go out all beefed up. Moo-moo buck-a-roo!

#257 Week of June 1, 2014

Schindler Sez

Rules we don’t agree with…are always stupid.

The Little Outhouse

I lived on a farm,

Many years ago,

That had a little outhouse,

Where I used to go.

With a Sears catalog,

That I loved to read,

And missing pages,

Used for a need.

But I couldn’t sit there,

And dilly-dally

Cause it had no flusher,

And got pretty smelly!

“Cut your own wood and it will warm you twice.

                                                                                    Abraham Lincoln

#258 Week of June 8, 1014

Schindler Sez

If most folks polished themselves like they do their shoes…they’d be well polished.

Resting

            When I walked into the barbershop to get a haircut, my barber Skip, was sitting there with his eyes closed. “Hello, are you taking a nap?” I asked.

            “No,” he answered, “I was just resting my eyes.”

            “Do you usually snore when you’re resting them?”

Accidents

            Kids in the back seat cause accidents…accidents in the back seat causes kids. Now don’t you wish you were more careful?

The Confession

            The last time I went to confession, I said, “Bless me Father for I have sinned…you name it and I’ll tell you how many times.

The Big Wheel

            A Wisconsin cheese maker, Gerard Sinnesberger, won the top prize in the 2014 World Championship Cheese Contest. He won for his original Schweizer Rohmilch Emmentaler big wheel Swiss cheese.

            When they took his picture at the award ceremony, I wonder if they asked everyone to say cheese. Regardless, I guess this makes him a big wheel in the cheese business.

#259 Week of June 15, 2014

Schindler Sez

Without guns we’d still be British and talk funny.

A Combination

            A few days ago when I brushed my hair, all kinds of white flakes started to swirl about. I thought it was either snowing inside or I had a bad case of dandruff. Unfortunately it was a combination of both, since the dandruff kept snowing on my shirt.

            A new study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it!

The Net

Bar Stool Mountain

            This story reminds me of that old country song, “Bar Stool Mountain.”

            A lady is suing a bar because she fell off of a bar stool and broke her wrist. She claims the bar stool was too high. Quite frankly, I don’t believe the bar stool was as high as she was…unless of course, she was sitting on “Bar Stool Mountain.”

            After reading the above snippet, a friend asked me if I ever fell off of a bar stool. “Hell no,” I answered, I’ve never been that drunk,” but I sure like that song.”

New Age

            Did the bitter cold and snowy past winter start of a new weather phenomenon called, “The freeze your butt off age”?

#260 Week of June 22, 2014

Schindler Sez

            Winning an election does not make the winner a genius … it just means he or she got the most votes.

She Likes Me?

            Many times when my wife is talking about someone, she says, “Oh, you know her.”

            “No I don’t.”

            “Yes you do.”

            “I don’t think so.”

            “Yes you do. Don’t you remember, blah, blah, blah…

            “So what you’re trying to tell me is I know someone I didn’t know I knew?  Gee, I wonder if she likes me.”

The Southern Part

            After stopping a Hispanic looking kid, the cop asked, “Where are you from?”

                        The young man replied, “Ecuador.”

                        “Ecuador? What part of Mexico is that in?”

            Trying to suppress his laughter, the kid joked, “In the southern part.”

           

The Curb

            Isn’t it amazing how eating curbs the appetite? But somehow, at least it seems to me, a lot of folks have jumped over the curb.

#261 Week of June 29, 2014

            Schindler Sez

If you have do what everyone does…do it better.

Wisdom

            The researchers at Canada’s Simon Fraser University, found as far as brainpower is concerned, you’re over the hill after 24. They have also found, as far as cognitive skills (reasoning and thinking) go, 24 year-olds and under are a lot faster. But they admit as we age we get wiser. However, they claim that wisdom is not a substitute for speed. I don’t give a damn what the researchers say, my wife is still more impressed by wisdom than speed.

Hammered

            Despite Dianne Feinstein, (D-CA), and Joe Manchin’s, (D-WV), efforts to ban rifles, according to the FBI, there are more people murdered with hammers and clubs than by rifles. In addition, according to the FBI, more people are killed by hands and fists than by rifles. Therefore, wouldn’t it more sense to ban the things responsible for the most murders? But don’t tell the liberals. Because if they try to ban those, they’ll get hammered. 

            Finally, doesn’t common sense tell us that if someone legally had a gun, wouldn’t they be a lot less likely to be hit by a hammer or a club? But what the heck has common sense and

politicians have in common anyway? If they had any, the country wouldn’t be in such a mess.

Airborne
            Did you see the TV ad about the car that has seven air bags? Just think, if they would all go off at the same time, it would probably go airborne. What a ride!