March 19, 2001

Schindler Sez
The fruit of the vine...loosens the lips.

A Duck Groaner

While having lunch at Columbia Street Restaurant with my eight-eight-year-old mother-in-law, she mentioned they had duck burgers. "Duck burgers," I replied, "eating duck makes me laugh."
"It does?"
"Yeah, it quacks me up"

Slinkies
Some people are a lot like Slinkies. If you plush them down the stairs, it'll bring a smile to your face.

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies!

What's the dig deal about don't ask, don't tell? If you don't ask me, i won't tell. "But I know a lady who will tell, even if you don't ask.

No Joke

As we were driving during rush hour, we came upon a construction site ad immediately got into a traffic jam. "This is a joke," my wife said, somewhat irritated.
"If it's a joke," I replied, "Why ain't i laughing?"

March 12, 2011

Schindler Sez
A kind word is a joy forever.

Tanks

In gratitude for the Army's help in forcing Hosni Mubarak out of office, the people of Egypt say, "Tanks."

The Shack

I've seen a lot of shacks in my time, but none of them could play basketball.

Not Work

If you can't wait to get up in the morning and go to work, you don't work. Because when you do what you truly love to do...it's not work.

I Like You

Phil, a scrawny, nerdy-looking, young lawyer, just graduated from law school. His first client was a huge man with a rap sheet as long as your arm. While he was studying his client's lengthy record, the lawbreaker asked, "How long have you been lawyering?"
Phil glanced at him, hesitated for a moment to choose the right words and then answered, "Not as long as you've been breaking the law."
"Booooy...I like you!" the accused replied with a big smile, much to Phil's relief.

The Lost Marbles

The Indiana House members who fled to an Illinois hotel to avoid doing the job they were elected to do, reminds me of the kid who didn't think he could win, if he played by the rules, so he took his marbles and went home.
Could it be that the Indiana House members took off because they already lost theirs?

March 5, 2011

Schindler Sez

The difference between the shanty Irish and lace curtain Irish, is about $30,000 a year.

An Irish Cheer
Let's give the Irish a cheer,
For shamrocks, corn beef and green beer.
And to St. Patty I say,
Drive the snakes all away,
But please, leave the good people here.

O'Schindler

O'Connolly, McGuire and me,

In a pub, having a jar, just we three.

"Are you Irish?" they asked,

As they passed me the flask,

"I'm as Irish as O'Schindler can be!"

An Old Irish Tale

Did you hear the one about the Irishman who walked past a pub? It could happen!

An Ode to Saint Patrick

Lets honor Patrick the Saint,
In a way that we think is quaint.
With Bandido's fajitas and green Margaritas,
Cause Irish we certainty ain't

Happy St. Patrick's Day to O'Connolly, McGuire and Ye

February 26, 2011

Schindler Sez

Strive to rise above average. For if you're average, you're just another face in the crowd.

Pat Me Down

Why are so many people upset about the increased security at out airports? If they had full body scanners and more intense pat downs in 2001, 9/11 would probably never have happened and 2996 people would still be living. Either we implement those stronger security measures, or we risk a repeat of the 9/11 incident. So what shall it be/ Body scans and pat-downs, or suicide bombers and blow ups? The choice is obvious!
FYI: There were more people killed in the 9/11 attacks (2,996) than were killed in the attack on Pearl Harbor (2,350), which caused the United States to declare war on Japan (December 7, 1941).

The "F" Word

In William's pre-kindergarten class, the letter for the week was "F". When the teacher asked William to give her a word that started with an "F", he said "Flatulate."
"William," the teacher said, somewhat taken aback, "do you know what that word means?"
"Yeah, my grandpa Steve, said it's the scientific word for, "Toot."
Aren't grandpas smart?