August 28, 2010

Schindler Sez

If a lot of folks could see their rear view, they wouldn't wear tight pants.

The Signs

While driving over to our son's house, I asked my wife, Fry, "Why do stop signs have eight sides when I only have two?"
Staring at me, with a you-can't-be-serious-look, she said, "That's about the stupidest thing you've ever said. It's like asking, why are railroad signs round, when your head's square?"
Hmmm, I thought, maybe that's why my hat won't fit!'

Beer & Happiness

"Beer is proof that God loves and wants us to be happy."

Benjamin Franklin

It is

It is what it is, because it's not what it was. However, if it is what it was, it couldn't be what it is.

August 21, 2010

Schindler Sez

The unexpected always happens when you don't expect it.

The Ghost

I attended Catholic schools many many years ago, when I was a kid. Back then, our prayers always started with, "In the name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen." A few years ago, the Holy Ghost was replaced by the Holy Spirit. I never could figure out why the church changed it. After all, don't you think the "Ghost" would scare the devil out of a lot more sinners than the "Spirit"?

Two Concerns

Most Politicians have two main concerns. The first is to get elected, or re-elected, and the second is to enrich themselves at the taxpayers' expense. Why do you think they spend thousands, if not millions to get (re)elected?

The Happy Organ

The kidney must be the happiest organ in the body. After all, isn't it the only one that gets stoned?

August 14, 2010

Schindler Sez

The problem with being average is...it's so common!

The Unspoken Truth

One should always be able to speak the truth. However, nowadays a lot of folks are reluctant to do so if the truth is not considered politically correct. Suppressing the truth in favor of political correctness has been instrumental in spawning many despotic, socialistic, and fascist societies. And we all know what happened to them. Finally, what is oft-times considered "politically correct," is not always "correct."

A Wife's Duty

I think every housewife believes it's her duty to teach her husband humility. And if at first they don't succeed, as the old saying goes, "They try, try again!"

New Lows

Whenever one's hormones or testosterone affect one's thinking process...logic and common sink to new lows. Just ask me!

July 31, 2010

Schindler Sez
It looks like the Tiger isn't out of the Woods yet.

The Fun Party

Wouldn't the "Tea Party have a lot more fun if they changed their name to the "Long Island Ice Tea Party?" Why, even I'd join!

Partnership

When I was in the seventh grade an old farmer who lived next door gave me this advice. I can still recall it, even though at the time I didn't understand what he meant and I wondered why he was telling it to me. He said, "Son, always remember partnership is a poor ship to sail!" How I wish I had listened to that old man, because it could have saved me a lot of rough sailing!

Nine Months

When I was around 65 years old, I gave my wife my best sexy look and boastfully announced, "Were going to have one more kid."
Giving me her best you must be nuts look, she replied, "We are?"
"Yeah...nine months from tonight!"

August 7, 2010

Schindler Sez

When people start to slow down as they approach a green light fearing it'll turn red, they're usually right.

Only in California

Did you ever listen to the clueless people Jay Leno questions on the sidewalks of California? Obviously, they couldn't find the bathroom if they had the floor plan. And those suckers vote! Oh, my God...that's how she got elected!

A Generational Thing

Maybe it's just a generational thing (which usually means anyone over 50 is a clueless old fart), but whenever I get a new electronic device like a camera, TB, camcorder, or whatever, after studying the manual I'm still lucky if I can turn the damn thing on.
I know these devices are a lot more complex than they used to be, which obviously makes them much harder to operate. However, I'd be willing to wager that a good number of the special features are never used.
I'm sure if these electronic gadgets were simplified, and have just an on/off button, one to record, view, reverse, and delete, they'd sell a lot more of them. Not only to older folks, but also to quite a few younger people who are like me, technically challenged. Thank God, I have kids that can show me how those damn things work. Otherwise, technically speaking of course, I'd be an ignoramus!
Please...no comments from the peanut gallery.