April 17, 2010

Schindler Sez

We all have flaws. I'd tell you mine...but it would take too long!

Bed Head

Today's disheveled men's hairstyles seem to be all the fashion. However, when I grew up in the 1940s and '50s, we called those styles exactly what they seemed to be...bad cases of "bed head."

Almost Ready

Did you ever notice that when the wife says, "Okay, honey, I'm ready, (meaning she's ready to leave), she's not? What she truly means is she'll be ready sometime in the near future!

The Chile Bowl

Five-year-old Nathan was listening to his mother tell her friend about Margie's forthcoming nuptials.
"Where is she getting married?" her friend asked.
"In Chile."
"Chile?"
"Yes, Chile."
"Wow," Nathan said in awe, "they really must have a big bowl!"

Can't never did noth'n!

April 10, 2010

Schindler Sez
If you never had any bad times...you've never lived.

I'll Kill Ya

Rachel's dad was 50 years older than she was. Several times she told him that he better not die before she got married, because she wanted him to walk her down the aisle. One day, when the subject again came up, she blurted out, "Dad, you better not die before I get married...or I''ll kill ya!"

By Hook or by Crook

Because a politician got elected doesn't mean that he/she was the smartest or most qualified candidate. It just means that , either by hook or by crook, they got the most votes.

The Tiger

It's a jungle out there...even for the "Tiger," and I ain't lion.

Larry's Definition
Viagra: a combination of Miracle Grow and Fix a Flat.

Sneezles

When most people sneeze, they sneeze once or twice. Some folks sneeze tow or three times. Anyone who sneezes more than that obviously has the sneezles!

April 3, 2010

Schindler Sez
Truth: a word foreign to most politicians.

The Nice Trooper

Indiana State Trooper Andy was taking a young man to jail for DUI. "You sure a nice guy," the intoxicant said.
"What makes you say that?" Andy asked.
"Cause you didn't faser me."
"You mean taser?"
"No man, Faser, that's what we call it in the hood."
"What's your name?" Andy asked.
"James Bond."
"James Bond; are you sure?"
"Yes sir, that's my name. Boy, you sure are nice. The last time I got arrested I didn't have my ID, and when I told the cop my name was James Bond, he hit me with his flashlight."
"Well," Andy joked, "I guess he was lucky you didn't put his light out!"

March Madness
March madness is driving me nuts!