February 20, 2010

Schindler Sez
Bye Bayh!

Bernie Madoff

Bernie Madoff, the financial guru who bilked his friends and clients out of billions of dollars is now in the slammer for life, because he madoff with their money.

Monkeying Around

Arthur was having dinner with his 23-year-old daughter, when the subject of AIDS came up.
"Where did AIDS come from:" she asked dad.
"I heard it came from monkeys," he answered.
"But, how did monkeys get it?"
"Probably from monkeying around!"

February 13, 2010

Schindler Sez

A lot of people will tell you what they think you want to hear, instead of what you really want to hear...and that's "the truth."

Cramming

Lisa's dad, Lyman, retired and is now living the good life in Flordia. "I always wondered why so many older folks go to church on Sunday," he said, "and I finally figured it out."
"Why?" Lisa wanted to know.
"Shucks, they're just cramming for the finals!"

They Can't Handle Bars

When I went to high school in Decatur, a small Indiana town in the early 1950s, not too many guys had cars. But there were a couple of kids who drove brand new cherry red convertibles and those guys always seemed to get the prettiest girls. This taught me a valuable lesson. Pretty girls don't like to ride on handlebars!

February 6, 2010

Schindler Sez

If you can't stop...don't start!

Hugging Aunt Kathryn

Ninety-five-year-old Aunt Kathryn was in St. Joseph's Hospital, recovering from a hip operation. She was in extreme pain and a little confused and disorientated from all the medication, when my wife, Fry, and I walked into her room. Lynn, her niece, told us she wasn't feeling too good and it would probably be better if we kept our visit short.
After Fry talked to her for a little while, Aunt Kathrytn asked me, "Would your wife be upset if you gave me a hug?"
"No, Aunt Kathyrn, I'd be glad to give you a hug."
After leaving the hospital, I said to my wife, "It isn't every day a 95-year-old-lady ask me for a hug."
"Yeah," Fry replied, "You've still got it, honey!"

Good To Know

"A full belly makes a dull brain."

--Benjamin Franklin

January 30, 2010

Schindler Sez

If you don't try...nothing happens!

Nuuuns!!! Nuuuns!!!

My son, John was five in the summer of 1970, and one of his favorite TV programs was "The Flying Nun." One sunny day, as he was sitting on the porch at our house on Second St. in Decatur, two nuns from St. Joseph's Catholic School (they still dressed in the full-length habits back then) came walking by.
As soon as John spotted them, he jumped off the porch and ran after them shouting, "Nuuuns...nuuuns!" They turned around, saw this little boy coming lickety-split towards them, and waited for him to catch up. As soon as he did, he looked up at them and excitedly shouted, "Can you fly?"

Next To

Whenever some one asks Lary for directions, he replies, "Don't give me the address. Just tell me what tavern or liquor store it's close to, and I'll get you there."

An Idiotic Question

If every village has only one, how can there be so many on the highways?