Cyber and the Barbers

As my barber, Skip, was clipping me, he began to discuss Cyber Monday.
“Why do they call it Cyber Monday?” I asked.
“It’s the day you can find all kinds of good deals on the internet.”
“Okay, but what does the word cyber mean?”
“I don’t know,” he replied.
“They have cyber space, cyber cafes, cyber speak, cybersex and who knows what else. But what does cyber mean?” I again asked. We then asked Mike, his partner, and he didn’t know. That’s strange; I thought to myself. Most barbers think they’re experts on things they know nothing about! And to hear, not one, but two say, “I don’t know,” puts them on the cutting edge of truth.
Oh, by-the-way, I looked it up. Cyber is anything involving computers or computer networks, (such as the internet). That’s according to Dan “the Man,” Webster.

No Pew

I went to a service at a new church today, and it didn’t have the traditional style benches. Instead, they had padded chairs. Could it be that the parishioners don’t want to sit in their pew?

Schindler Sez

It’s not the size of one’s head that counts…it’s what’s in it.

No Rest

Usually, when I stop at a rest area…I’m not tired.

The Bread Man

 It always amazes me when I hear folks raving about how much money they saved by buying this or that on sale. Excuse me, but when people spend their hard-earned money, how in the world do they figure they saved it? Does it really matter if they bought the items on sale or paid full price? Isn’t the result the same? Meaning, now they have less money than they had to begin with. 

If I had a hundred dollars and saved some more money, wouldn’t I now have more than a hundred? Conversely, if I spend some of that money, no matter how good the deal, wouldn’t I now have less? Logic would tell any rational person that spending money is not exactly the same as saving it. Hence, a sale is just a means to sell the gullible a bill of goods while lightening their purses and convincing them that they actually saved money. If only I could get my wife to understand this, I’d save so much dough; they’d call me the bread man!

Schindler Sez

If I learned from all my mistakes…I’d be pretty damn smart!

Lent

To Mass on Sunday he went.
To pray for his sins and repent.
When he caught her eye,
As she slowly walked by,
He didn’t repent until Lent,

Mother’s Day

On May the 8th,
You better see her,
If it weren’t for ma,
You wouldn’t be here!

Twits?

Are those who tweet on twitter…twits?

Gina

After talking to Gina, our waitress at the Athenian restaurant, who has sort of an olive-colored skin, I asked, “Gina are you Italian?”
“No, I’m three-quarters Indian.”
“Indian? Like American Indian?”
“Yeah.”
“Do they still wear loin cloths?” I jokingly asked.
“Sure, they have nothing to hide.”

Schindler Sez

Life is a little bit like the birth of a baby giraffe.
If you don’t stick your neck out, you’re not going to get anywhere.

Words of Wisdom

Be tough minded…but tender hearted.
-An olde saying

No Drive

We should be careful about taking driving privileges away from the elderly. After all, do we want to lose our drive when we’re old?

iPads

Are iPads sanitary?

Rough Sailing

(The names have been changed to protect my derriere)
Since Matt and Lisa both work, they share the household duties. Yesterday, as Matt was finishing the laundry and was folding a pair of Lisa’s panties, she walked into the kitchen.
“Look at these,” Matt said, holding her panties up, “these suckers could sail a ship.” Needless to say, it has been rough sailing at Matt’s house for many a day.

Schindler Sez

A wound from a cutting remark…never heals.

The Chair

He recently asked me to be,
On the board of the electric company.
I replied, “Thank you sir,
But I shall politely defer,”
Cause the straps on that chair might fit me.

Schindler Sez

Even a fish wouldn’t get caught if he kept his damn mouth shut!

A Huge Celebration

If “April Fool’s Day,” was really for fools, one hell of a lot of people would be celebrating! Would you?

Mommy!

Whenever I’m following a huge four-wheel drive SUV, inevitably, as it approaches a railroad crossing, the driver slows down to a crawl while cars, big and little, buzz right over the tracks. Recently, during a snow storm, traffic ahead of me was going at a snail’s pace. Every now and again I could see a car buzz around whoever was holding traffic up. When I finally got close enough to see who the culprit was, believe it or not, is was a four-wheel drive SUV. This got me wondering, what would those macho mothers do if they really had to drive on rough terrain. Why, they’d probably call their mommies!