Adam blamed Eve…

Adam blamed Eve…Eve blamed the snake, and the snake didn’t have a leg to stand on.
A church sign.

Monkeying Around

Arthur was having dinner with his twenty-three-year-old daughter, when the subject of AIDS came up.
“Where did AIDS come from?” she asked dad.
“I heard it come from monkeys.” he answered.
“But, how did the monkeys get it?”
“Probably from monkeying around!”

Bernie Madoff

Bernie Madoff, the financial guru who bilked his friends and clients out of billions of dollars, is now in the slammer for life because he madoff with their money.

Schindler Sez

(When Evan Bayh lost his senatorial race I couldn’t help myself)
Bye Bayh

The Ringer

My wife and I stopped in at Deer Park, Tony Henry’s cozy pub for a beer. After a raucous welcome, he introduced us to the other patrons sitting at the table. “This is Jimmie Schindler and his wife, Fry. “Jimmie, rings the bells at St. Peter’s before mass. Nobody can ring it like him. He’s a real ringer.”
“Tony,” I said, “I don’t care what you call me, as long as it’s not a “dead ringer.”

Lying Eyes

Sometimes, when I go into one of my Bandido’s Mexican Restaurants and see something that isn’t the way it’s supposed to be and the manager or employee says, “I don’t know what happened;  it’s never like that,” I tell them this story.

There was once a man making love to his girlfriend when his wife walked in. As soon as he saw her, he jumped out of bed, ran up to her and said, “Honey, are you going to believe me or your lying eyes?”

Schindler Sez

Do you think a little oinkment would help those who have swine flu?
(Sorry folks, I just couldn’t help myself).

More than One

Many many years ago, when the world was comprised mostly of farms and small rural communities, the dumbest or goofiest person living in each town was referred to as “the village idiot,” It was commonly thought that every village had one.

Today, many folks believe that most communities have a lot more than one! What do you think? Or is that an idiotic question?

The St. Peter Principle

My years as an usher at St. Peter’s Catholic Church have taught me that if you’re late and the church seems packed there’s always room up front!

Judge Bobo

Judge Bobo, a deeply religious man who was well versed in the Bible, was aware that in the Old Testament, Joshua made the sun stand still.

Back during Prohibition, the good judge presided over a court in Decatur, Indiana, and one day a black man, by the name of Joshua, was hauled before him for bootlegging.

“Joshua,” the good-natured judge asked, “Are you the one who made the sun stand?”

“No sir, Mr. Judge, ah’s duh one dat made da moonshine!

Schindler Sez

The best thing about a suicide bomber is…he’ll never have the guts to do it again!

Help Needed

A friend once asked me, “Why do you go to church every Sunday?”

“Well,” I answered, “it’s a little bit like working out. When it’s over, I always feel better. Besides, I honestly believe that it helps me to be a better person and heaven knows I need all the help I can get?”

In Plain English

In the United States, a nation made up of people from every country, culture, and religion in the world, the English language is the common thread that holds us together.

de Seat

In the 1960’s, Ronald Reagan, who was then a movie star and spokesman for the General Electric Company, made a cameo appearance at the Decatur, Indiana, GE. Plant. During that visit, a brief respite was planned at one of the plant executive’s, Roger Schuster’s home.

The neighborhood ladies, anticipating Regan’s arrival, asked Roger’s wife, Irene, what she did to spiff her house up for his visit. “The only thing I did,” she replied, “was to buy a new toilet seat.”

Several years later, when the Schuster’s moved to another city, Irene removed the seat (which Ronnie used) and took it with her. I guess she just didn’t want to part with the memory of de seat! And that’s no crap!

Schindler Sez

Blessed are they who have nothing to say and are wise enough, not to say it!

Bad girls get the guys…

...but only if their good!

The Quiet Woman

Charlie’s mother died, and true to her wishes, he had her cremated. It was a beautiful Indiana summer day when he got a call from the mortuary that his mother’s ashes were ready to be picked up. So he stopped, claimed the urn with her remains and headed to the lake to spend the day.

About halfway there, Charlie looked over at his mother sitting on the front seat and said, “Mom, this is the first time that you ever rode to the lake with me without bitching about my driving.”

Legal

Sixty-three-year old Terry was starting to show his age. He had prostate cancer, the beginning of Parkinson’s disease, and several other maladies. “The problem with getting older,” he told my wife, Fry, “is that I have the whole counter full of drugs…and they’re all legal!”

Schindler Sez

A wise man keeps his wife happy!

Jeff

Jeff was diagnosed with throat cancer, and after extensive surgery and radiation, he was found to be cancer free. On a follow up visit a few months later, after a thorough examination, the good doctor exclaimed, “You’re doing great! No sign of cancer. Are you still smoking?”

“Yeah,” Jeff sheepishly answered.

“Cool,” the doctor responded, “let’s go into the garage and have one.”