The Wrath of Grapes

             In the early 1930s, young Sim miraculously found himself in the middle of a neighbor’s grape arbor. While he was stuffing is face with the fruit of the vine, the unhappy owner spotted him and rang up his father.

            Finally, with a belly full of grapes, Sim headed home. As soon as he walked in the back door, his dad, in a stern voice asked, “Where were you?” He no sooner got the words out of his mouth when Sim threw up what seemed like a half a vineyard. More grapes than either one of them ever wanted to see.

            “Well, I guess you suffered enough,” his dad said with a twinkle in his eye, knowing full well that his son had learned a grapeful lesson.

A Heavenly Halloween

            Every Halloween, the staff at Bandido’s Mexican Restaurants wears costumes (limited only by their imagination), to the delight of the guests. On this particular festival of the dead, two Catholic priests, Father Jeff and Father Jim, came in for dinner and, lo and behold…guess who waited on them. A waitress dressed as a pregnant nun. As she walked up to greet them, she said, “Nice costumes, guys,” and then took their drink order.

            At the bar, when she was informed that the two gentlemen were priests and being Halloween, she was extremely horrified. Returning to the table, she kept her eyes lowered in shame as she set down their drinks and muttered, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”

            To which Father Jeff answered, “You are forgiven, my child. Now for your penance, you may pay for our dinners,” which she did, making that hallow evening…heavenly, for the clever clerics.

Only the Government

Only the government would be stupid enough to pay $4500 for a car that’s only worth a hundred bucks.

The Notre Dame Fan

I had two kids who graduate from the University of Notre Dame, and sometimes I wonder why I’m still an ND fan. First, they’ve got all my money. Second, I didn’t go there and third, this year their football team sucks!

Wilbur’s Hope

Upon finishing installing shelves, drawers, etc., to organize our closets, Wilbur, a Southern lad with ears so huge that he looked like a taxi going down the road with both back doors open, stopped in the kitchen and explained that he had just finished the job.

“But,” he continued, I forgot the retractable valets (hangers). I’ll bring them over tomorrow and put’em up.”

“Just drop them off and I’ll install them.”

“Are you sure you know how?” he questioned.

“Hey, I’m not as dumb as I look,” I replied.

“Gosh, he said, staring intently at me and shaking his head hard enough to make his dumbo-sized ears wobble, “I sure hope not!”

Most Popular Guy

The most popular guy in the bar is the one who bought the last round.

Can He Overcome?

Even though I didn’t vote for Obama, I hope he has the mindset, wisdom, and courage, to do what is truly best for the country in these trying times. If so, he could become one of our greatest presidents.  For greatness is achieved by overcoming what supposedly are insurmountable obstacles.

Schindler Sez

If you can’t understand everything I write, don’t feel too bad, I’m not sure I do.

Back from the Front

Did you ever notice that when you go into the front of a church, you’re in the back? And the more up front you go, the farther back you are!

Wisdom

Never confuse education with wisdom. Education is a learning process by which one gains knowledge. Wisdom is the ability to use that knowledge, along with understanding, compassion and common sense, to make good decisions that are unencumbered by personal preferences and prejudice. Perhaps the inability to eliminate one’s feelings and intolerances from one’s judgments and conclusions is why there are so few truly wise men.