Sue the SOB

Saturday, I stopped by one of my restaurants, Bandido’s, to pick up some chips and salsa to take to the lake. I also got a cup of coffee to go. With the chips and salsa in one hand, the coffee and car keys in the other, I tried to open the car door and spilled the hot coffee all over myself. This made me wonder: could I sue me? 

Without a doubt, if I would have called one of those sleazy, electronic, ambulance-chasing lawyers that advertise on TV, he would have probably said, “Let’s sue the SOB. It’s his fault!” So I guess that verifies it: I can sue me! 
  
Why do we hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to office? 

-Aesop 

Schindler Sez

Are grouchy Germans…Sour Krauts”? 

Extra Storage

As we age the skin under our eyes becomes thinner and looser, which allows fluids to collect there, causing those hated bags. Hell, if my bags get any bigger, it’ll give me a place to store my luggage, which will save me a bundle. 

Drinking Water

Did you read about the Scottish distillery that accidently spilled 1700 gallons of whiskey into a nearby river? In addition to making the fish happy, it has been rumored that some of the locals were drinking the water. But, as far as I can ascertain…no one was kilt. 

The Ass

My friend, Fritz, made a not so funny comment. When I looked at him, he said, “I was just being a wise ass.” 
             “You might be an ass,” I replied, “but you’re not that wise.”

Caring

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards, they simply are the ones who care the most. ~Charles Schultz 

Juan’s Brother

On Saturday mornings I meet my son John, along with a couple of other friends for breakfast. The cashier is a young man named Juan. His brother also works there, but I didn't know his name, so I said, “Juan, is your brother’s name Two?” 
            “No, what made you ask that?” 
            “You know…Juan and Two.” 
            He thought that was a good Juan…I thought it was Two! 

Schindler Sez

I thought about being Jewish, but they pass-overed me. 

Hic!

A recent study has found that too much sugar can kill you. It has been shown to increase blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, etc., etc. The U.S. Center of Disease Control and Prevention called the results sobering. Gee, I have a sweet tooth and all that sugar never sobered me. Hic!