Still

I told my wife that I could replace her with a two dollar gizmo.

“What’s that?” she asked, glaring at me.

“A back scratcher.”

She didn’t think that was as funny as I did…but we’re still married!

The Ban

Some states are legalizing marijuana while talking about banning cigarettes. This only makes sense to pot heads and politicians. We know the pot heads rational, but what’s the politicians? I could give you the answer…but my publishers won’t print it.

A Long Liver

A TV announcer claimed a study found that men who look at women’s breasts live longer than men who don’t. Gee, I don’t know if I want to live that long!

Schindler Sez

If you want people to look up to you…don’t look down on them.

Series-ously

The reason San Francisco won the World Series is because Giants have bigger clubs than Royals…which drove Kansas City batty.

Clowns

 A Chapman University Survey on American fears, concluded that Democrats are almost twice as likely as Republicans to fear bugs, snakes and other animals. They are also more fearful of needles, blood, ghosts and clowns. Clowns? You mean they’re afraid of themselves?

Un-teachable

 If I could only figure out how to teach what is unteachable, (common sense), I’d be the richest man in the universe.

Wore Black

Prior to the mid-1900s, whenever someone died, all the mourners usually wore black. And even though everyone wore black…there wasn’t a ghost of a chance that the corpse would come back!