October 22, 2011

Schindler Sez
Every day...find a better way.

The Real Cause

Seismologists have determined that the recent earthquake near Washington D.C. was not the result of a fault line or any natural phenomenon. It was caused by our founding fathers rolling over in their graves.

Barber School

Today my son, Jimmie and I went to our barber, Skip. As I was in the barber's chair, they were talking about Cary Grant on the morning show.
"Who's Cary Grant?" Jimmie wanted to know.
"He was a famous movie star in the '30s, '40s, '50s and 60s." I answered.
"Yeah," Skip chimed in. "he was really a good-looking guy."
"I never heard of him,"Jimmie said.
"Must be a generation thing," I said, looking at Skip.
"You can always get an education at my barbershop," Skip pointed out proudly.
"Yeah," I replied, "You learn all the falsehoods."

October 15, 2011

Schindler Sez

When many people say they don't remember, what they really mean is they never knew.

Idiocy Personified

A friend of mine emailed me the following, which definitely helps to explain my theory that there are more village idiots in Washington than there are in the villages.
In a bid to stem taxpayer losses for bad loans guaranteed by the federal housing agencies, Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac, Senator Bob Corker (R-Tennessee), proposed that borrowers be required to make a five percent down payment in order to qualify.
His proposal was was rejected 57-42 on a party line vote because as Senator Chris Dodd, (D-Conn), explained, "Passage of such a requirement would restrict home ownership to only those who can afford it."
It could only happen in Washington, Hollywood, or Connecticut.

Where's My Invitation?

In the past race for city council at large here in Fort Wayne, one Democratic primary winner stated he liked to spend his time in his motel room, drinking and watching porn. Hmmm, I wonder if his supporters were hoping to be invited over.

The Stand

If you don't stand for something, you'll stand for nothing.

October 8, 2011

Schindler Sez
"When you're employed, you're more employable."

The Invitation

Millie, Helen and Irene's friend, passed away. Shortly afterward, Helen's children were planning a surprise birthday party for her. Not realizing Millie had died, Helen's children sent her an invitation. Mary, Millie's daughter, read the invitation, called Irene and said, "Obviously, Helen's children don't know mom passed away, But Irene," Mary, being somewhat of a wit, went on, "If mom shows up, give me a call."

The Shrinkage

As we all know, we shrink with age. Tuesday night, Mike, who is considerably younger than I but still no spring chicken, was complaining to me and my wife Fry, when he said, "I'm getting shorter."
"Heck, I've shrunk and inch and a half," I interjected.
"Has Fry noticed?"

Put your money in your head.
~Benjamin Franklin

October 1, 2011

Schindler Sez
Never talk too much about too little.

The Earrings

My Friend Dan and I were having dinner at Bandido's, my favorite Mexican restaurant, when a college basketball player came in. After looking him over, Dan wondered, "How in the heck can a college freshman afford a thousand dollar pair of earrings?"
"Oh, him," I said , motioning at the player with my head. "He plays for Ohio State!"

The Prize

Since the winner for excellence in journalism, literature, or music, is awarded the Pulitzer Prize, does the winner for excellence in organ playing win the Wurlitzer Prize?

The Passing

Have you noticed that more people either pass away, or just plain pass than die? Others go home to the Lord, or to their eternal reward. I can only surmise, but I believe some also go to a very hot place. Of course that is never mentioned in the obituaries. Now please tell me, what is so terrible about saying John Smith died, because isn't that what he did? When I go, I hope my obituary tells it like it is and says, Jim Schindler died; as soon as the word got around, the celebration began.