September 24, 2011

Schindler Sez

"You can't solve a problem by throwing money at it! Wouldn't if be wonderful if our politicians and bureaucrats understood this?

Jack

A lot of people don't know Jack. Do you know jack? If you don't, I'll give you a clue. His last name starts with an "S".

The Incredible Shrinking Man

"Dan," I asked, "how tall are you?"
"I used to be 5'-11'', but since my wife beat me down, I'm only 5'-9'' and a half.

Richard

I have a friend, Richard, who everyone calls Dick.
"Doesn't that bother you?" I asked.
"No. Why?"
"You know the name Dick has a certain connotation."
"There are a lot of people out there with names like Jim, John, Bob, Harry, Josh, or whatever, who are called Dicks and they're not even Richards.

September 17, 2011

Schindler Sez
Self-praise is not praiseworthy.

The Right Side

There are two sides to every marital spat; the right side and her side.
Ladies, if it would make you happier, I'll reverse it. There are two sides to every marital spat; her side and the right side.

Dying for a Beer

I was having a beer and relaxing with my 90 year-old friend, Jack, when he said, "I probably should quit drinking beer, but I enjoy it."
"Hell, Jack," I said, "if you're going to die from old age or drinking beer, let me tell you, you'll have a heck of a lot more fun dying from drinking beer."

Remembered

Old friends can't be replaced, only remembered for more than they were.

~Tom "K only" Hurst

September 3 & 10, 2011

Schindler Sez
Don't try to please everyone. It can't be done.

Can't You Hear?

Uncle Sam, can you hear me? You can't spend yourself out of debt!

A Bunch

A stranger once asked me what I did for a living and I answered, "I'm an entremanure." Needless to say he thought that was a bunch of crap.

The Glutton

Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Restaurant company is calling the contestants in their annul 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest, athletes. Five me a break! Athlete is spelled a-t-h-e-l-e-t-e not p-i-g. I'll probably catch a lot ot hell for saying that. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment.

Certainty is the end of confusion
der Fritz

Bad Judge

When it comes to the judges on "America's Got Talent," I think Peirce (Morgan), is obviously the most competent. Sharon (Osbourne), is pretty and good, but Howie (Mandel), well he's Howie. I wouldn't say that he's that bad, but I do wonder howie got that job. But, come to think of it, he's not the only bad judge.

The MVP

This years's Most Valuable Player (MVP), in the NBA's championship game, was Dallas Mavericks player from Germany, Dirk Nowitzki. Who would have ever thought a German would give the storied American basketball palyers a good whipping? I can remember when the Americans always beat the Germans, except in soccer, of course. Mein Gott in Himmel!

A Constitutional Right

Freedom of speech means we should always be able to speak the truth ... even if it's not politically correct.

August 20, 2011

Schindler Sez
Read Moby Dick, it's a whale of a tale.

One's Enough!

"Pat," Charlie yelled gruffly at his waitress, "get me some more coffee."
"I don't like your tone of voice," she said. Then glancing at the guys sitting with him, while throwing her thumb backward over her shoulder toward Charlie, she said, "I've got one of those at home."

The Ambulance Driver

"Gary, do you see that guy sitting over there?" Joe asked, motioning with his head. "Do you know who he is?"
"Yeah, I know him, but I can't remember his name."
"You can't?"
"No. I drive an ambulance. I get paid to forget names."

The Wake-up Call

I Vice President Biden was ever needed in an emergency ... who'd wake him up?