July 9, 2011

Schindler Sez
Knowledge is priceless...Ignorance is free!

Boring

The ash borer infestation in Fort Wayne has killed hundreds of ash trees. As a result, the city is in the process of cutting down all the remaining ones. I really don't know, but I hear it's boring

The Exceptions

Harold Camping, the California preacher who erroneously predicted the end of the world, not once, but twice, is obviously preaching the wrong message. Maybe he just wanted to scare the hell out of all the sinners, of which I hear there are quite a few! You and me exempted, of course.

Potholes

"Hey, Adam, how ya doing?"
"Pretty good. I've had more fun dodging potholes on my way to the doctors's office this morning than I've had since my first wife left.

The Jury's Out of it!

Way back when, the stupidest person in town was called the "Village Idiot." I used to think that every village had one, but I was wrong. Now they're on our juries!

July 2, 2011

Schindler Sez

If all you have to look forward to is Friday, you're going to hate Monday.

The Thimble

If one could gather all the common sense in the United States Congress, it might fill a thimble...but don't count on it!

The Twins

Ann wore a Purdue sweatshirt to her class get-to-gather at the Green Frog Tavern. "Ann," Mike, a classmate yelled, to get her attention. "I'd like that sweatshirt a lot better if it had Notre Dame on it."
"How about this one," Ann answered, as she lifted up the front of the offending sweatshirt up, displaying a Chicago Cubs logo on the shirt underneath.
"Oh hell," Mike replied, "I was hoping to see the Twins!"

A Hell of a Tale

My Friend, Bruce, publishes a periodical called "Seniors Rock." In on of the issues, he used the word hell and as a result, one of the seniors called him and gave him "hell" for using the word.

June 25,2011

Schindler Sez
What do tornadoes have against trailer parks?

A quote to remember on July 4th

This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.
~Elmer Davis

Prince Less

As Holly was watching Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding, her husband, Steve, walked into the living room and said, "Why are you watching that stupid wedding?"
"Oh," Holly replied, "I just wanted to know what it was like to marry a prince."
Steve had to hold himself back, otherwise he would have crowned her!

Appropriate

This Independence Day week, I can't think of anything more appropriate than these two stanzas from Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA."

And I'm proud to be an American,
Where at least I know I'm free.
and I won't forget the men who died, Who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up, next to you,
And defend her still today,
Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

June 18, 2011

Schindler Sez

A sure way to alienate your grown children is to stick your nose in their business.

The Real Whopper

I overheard one lady say to another, "I worked my derriere off for that company and they let me go."
Looking at her I thought to myself, lady if you worked it off, it must have been a whopper, because there's still plenty left!

The Bogeyman

If most golfers put as much time and effort into improving their circumstance as they do their handicap, they would never again have to worry about the financial bogeyman!

Not Hot

Nowadays, it seems to me that if you want to be cool, you must do four things. First, don't tuck your shirt in. Second, wear your pants down around your butt; third have a zillion tattoos and fourth, wear your hat sideways or backwards. Then, even though you might think you're cool...sure as hell won't be "Hot".