May 21, 2011

Schindler Sez
Why can't I remember what I forgot?

No More Tricks

At our recent class of '52' get-together, the table was quite crowded and cramped. So as Carl was trying to get up and squeeze out, his chair fell over backwards.
"Are you going to do any more tricks?" Paul, who was sitting beside him, joked.
"No," Carl replied. "The first one didn't go over too good."

The Sad Bigamist
As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
He looked as sad as sad can be,
While his wives droned on endlessly.

Not a single word would he get in,
And nary a spouse acknowledged him.
He was more content when he had but one,
But he was most content...when he had none.


The Haters
Ninety percent of all women haters...are women.

May 14, 2011

Schindler Sez
Over time, truth triumphs!

The Wiper

I walked into my favorite Mexican restaurant and sat down in the bar. "Kim," I yelled at the bartender, "throw me a towel. This table needs wiped off."
"I'll get it." she replied from behind the bar.
"Just throw me the towel. I'm a pretty good wiper and I can prove it.
"You can?"
"Yeah, my briefs are spotless."

The Lousy Catch

In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional way to propose marriage. If she caught it, it meant she accepted. But if she dropped it, did that mean he was a lousy catch or was she?

I'm Stick'n to it!

Did you know the earth gets heavier every due to falling space dust? That's my excuse and I'm stick'n to it!

May 7, 2011

Schindler Sez
What was so damn great about the Great Depression?

The Wet Bike

Three-year-old Tami was riding her tricycle when daddy came out to bring her in for lunch. On lifting her off of the tricycle, he noticed the seat was wet.
"What happened?" he asked.
Looking at daddy with those big, innocent, green eyes, she answered, "Bike went potty."

The Drunken Masseuse

If a masseuse had a drinking problem, would she be a massouse?

Mother's Day
On May the 8th,
You better see her,
If it weren't for ma,
You wouldn't be here!

Phew

Nothing irritates me more than someone driving in the passing lane holding up traffic and never passing anyone. When this happens, I assume they're either stupid, inconsiderate, texting, or have their heads in a very dark place. Phew!

April 30, 2011

Schindler Sez

It's not the size of one's head that counts ... it's what's in it.

No Phew

I went to a service at a new church today and it didn't have the traditional-style benches. Instead, they had padded chairs. Could it be that the parishioners didn't want to sit in their own phew?

Cyber and the Barbers

As my barber, Skip, was clipping me, he began to discuss Cyber Monday.
"Why do they call it Cyber Monday?" I asked.
"It's the day you can find all kinds of good deals on the Internet."
"Okay, but what does the word cyber mean?"
"I don't know,"he replied.
"They have cyber space, cyber cafes, cyber speak, cyber sex,and who knows what else. But what does cyber mean?" I again asked.
We then asked Mike, his partner and he didn't know. That's strange, I thought to myself. Most barbers think they're experts on things they know nothing about! And to hear, not one, but two say, "I don't know," obviously, as far as barbers are concerned, puts them on the cutting edge of truth.
Oh, by the way, I looked it up. Cyber is anything involving computers or computer networks, (such as the internet). That's according to Dan "the Man," Webster.