November 27, 2010

Schindler Sez
Something is better than nothing!

Bi
While in the process of checking out at the grocery store the cashier asked, "Paper or plastic?"

"It doesn't matter to me," the customer replied, "I'm bi-sacksual!

In Reverse

Dan was having dinner with his buddy, John, and his wife, Sue, when the conversation turned to women."Women, "Dan said, "are trouble."
"You better reverse that," Sue, snapped.
"Okay,"Dan replied, "Trouble are women."

Can you believe she said this"

"We have to pass the bill (Obama Care), so you can find out what's in it."
--Nancy Pelosi

November 20, 2010

Schindler Sez
If you take enough steps, you'll get there.


That Smarts

I'm going in for hernia surgery Friday and frankly I'm a little concerned whenever anyone is cutting that close to my manhood. What if the scalpel slipped? Uhooo, I bet that smarts!

The Turkeys

No matter how many turkeys are consumed on Thanksgiving, there will always be plenty to go around. Why...I'll bet you even know a few!

The Cocky Wife

A lady friend once told me, "My husband rules the roost, but I rule the rooster."
Hmmmm, I thought to myself, maybe that's why she's so cocky.

November 13, 2010

Schindler Sez
We believe what we perceive.

The Watch

Cable TV is becoming so expensive that in may cases it cost more than a car payment, which makes me ask, "Is it worth the watch?"

Go Figure

Obama wants everyone to prove they're insured, but they don't have to prove they're citizens. Go figure!

Nameless

Carol, being a dutiful niece, went to see her Aunt Mildred, who was suffering from Alzheimer's and was now in a nursing home. "Do you know who I am?" she asked auntie upon entering her room.
"If you don't know who you are, how do you expect me to know who you are? Hell, I don't even know who I am!"

November 6,2010

Schindler Sez
You don't have to wear shoes to tie one on.

The Silent Prayer

Lord keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth.

The English Lesson

Indiana State Police Officer, Andy, pulled over a young lady whose license plate light was not working. When she rolled down her window, he detected a strong smell of marijuana. Upon searching her vehicle, he found an ample supply of the weed. The perpetrator's first name, according to her driver's license was Le-a, so Andy said, "Well Le-a, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you downtown."
"My name's not Le-a, it's Le-dash-a. The dash ain't silent, fool!"
With a big grin, Andy thought to himself, it isn't every day I get a free English lesson.

A Doggie's Tale
If your dog's fat...you're not getting enough exercise.

Anonymous

October 30, 2010

Schindler Sez
It's a rare bird that does something for nothing.

Never Never

Never let anyone put their hand into your pocket, unless you know how much they're going to take.

The Wiener!

As I was enjoying lunch at the Coney Island hot-dog stand, my waiter came over and asked how I liked my dogs.
"They're wieners," I replied.
He looked at me, shook his head as he walked away and didn't even smile. I guess he didn't think it was that bun-ny.

Wise Words

It's alright to help those who can't...but not those who won't.
Thomas K (only) Hurst