October 23, 2010

Schindler Sez
If you don't have it...don't spend it.

RPMs

My wife, Fry, asked me why there is a huge RPM gauge in most cars, which, if the truth were known, the majority of drivers have no idea what it means, or what it is for. I know it means revolutions per minute. But, how many revolutions should it be doing at any given time, is still a mystery to me and I'm sure to a lot of other folks.
After discussing how many people really didn't know what it's for, Fry, to prove a point, called Irene, her 88-year-old mother, and asked if she knew what it meant. "Heavens, no," Irene answered, "I don't even turn the radio on."

When

When did a caramel become a care-a-mel?

Compromise

A compromise is an agreement where neither party gets what they wanted.

--Anonymous

October 16, 2010

Schindler Sez
Sometimes it's better to bite your tongue than to tell the truth!

A Fool's Drink

"Gin is a fool's drink. "When I was young," Jim reminisced, "I thought it made me smart, strong, and a stud. But, in actuality, it made me weak, stupid, and a dud."

The Path to Nowhere

Be true to yourself and follow your own path. Whenever you abandon your faith and beliefs and blindly follow the herd that has no idea what it's doing or where it's going, it will definitely take you down the road of sorrow and regret.

Calling

Calling an illegal foreigner an "Undocumented Immigrant," is a little bit like calling a drug dealer an "Unlicensed Pharmacist."

October 9, 2010

Schindler Sez
It's not how long you talk, it's what you say that counts!

Better Quit

My friend, Ed, whom I haven't seen for two or three years, dropped in for a visit and after the usual greetings, I said, "Ed, you look great. How old are you now?
"I'm eighty-four."
"Eighty-four." I repeated, somewhat amazed at how young he looked.
Then, noticing me glance at the cigarette between his fingers, he held up his hand, flicked the ash off the butt, took a big drag and said with a smirk, "Yeah, I guess I better quit, cause I sure as hell don't wanna die young."

The Idiots
Every village used to have one...now they're all in Congress!

Too Busy

The problem with retirement is...you can never take a day off.

--Jerry Henry Sr.

Schindler Sez
Sometimes when people say, "No problem," there is.

Prince Poppycock

After watching, "America's Got Talent," and discussing Prince Poppycock's performance, my eighty-eight-year-old mother-in-law, Irene, said, "I couldn't tell if he was a boy or a girl."
"Don't worry," I replied, "I'm not sure he knows."

The Nose Knows

My twenty-five-year-old daughter, Rachel, said, "Dad, you've sure got a big nose."
"It wasn't quite this big when I was young" I replied. "You know your nose keeps growing as you age."
"Dad," she answered, "I just looked at your wedding picture, and you had a big nose then."

Wise Words

If you think something small can't make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito in the room.
--Anonymous