June 12, 2010

Schindler Sez
If you want to see your worst picture, look at your driver's license.

The Author

My baptismal name is James Arthur Schindler. However, since I have written two books and am currently writing a couple of newspaper columns, my wife now calls me James Author. "But," she warned me, "don't let it go to your head, it's already fat enough!"

The Good Kisser

Even though his ratings sucked, NBC paid Conan O"Brien something like $32.5 million to leave, and Conan griped that NBC gave him the short end. I wish someone would mistreat me like that. If they did, instead of complaining, I'd kiss their derriere. And my wife says I'm a pretty good kisser, in case anyone wants to take me up on the offer and give me $32.5 million.

A Dark Condition

People who text while driving, are indubitably suffering from that rapidly growing condition called uppis.

June 5, 2010

Schindler Sez
If you don't try...nothing happens.

Before, During, or After?

As I was having breakfast with my old Decatur friends, Bob Cook, who will turn 90 this month; Sim Haines, who is 85; and Joe Jauregui, who is only 73, Sim mentioned that tonight a really good movie "Broken Trail," was going to be on TV. "It's four hours long, he went on, looking at Bob. "So you'd better take a nap."
"Before, during, or after?"Bob quipped with a twinkle in his eye and a mischievous grin.

A German Fry

My wife's maiden name is Freistroffer, and her first name is Fry. It really is! But, I want you all to know she's not a French Fry, she's a German Fry.

Twice

"I made a mistake once."
"You did?"
"Yeah, I got married twice!"

May 29, 2010

Schindler Sez
It's always easy...when you know how!

The Thinker

A few years ago there was a popular slogan, "Think before you drink." So when a preacher ran into a young man who just stumbled out of a bar, he said, "Son, did you ever hear the slogan, "Think before you drink?"
"I am thinking," the young man answered slurring his words.
"You are?" questioned the preacher man.
"Yeah, I'm thinking about having one more...before I have another."

Not Another

I must admit that I enjoy life, like to kid around and am kind of a funny guy. So today, when my office manager, Holly, told a corny joke, my son, Jimmie, looked at me and said, "Dad, she's turning into you."
"Oh God," I replied, "I hope not. I couldn't stand another me!"

Definition

Uppis: what a person is suffering from when he goes around with his head uppis derriere.