Schindler Sez

Life is a little bit like the birth of a baby giraffe.
If you don’t stick your neck out, you’re not going to get anywhere.

Words of Wisdom

Be tough minded…but tender hearted.
-An olde saying

No Drive

We should be careful about taking driving privileges away from the elderly. After all, do we want to lose our drive when we’re old?

iPads

Are iPads sanitary?

Rough Sailing

(The names have been changed to protect my derriere)
Since Matt and Lisa both work, they share the household duties. Yesterday, as Matt was finishing the laundry and was folding a pair of Lisa’s panties, she walked into the kitchen.
“Look at these,” Matt said, holding her panties up, “these suckers could sail a ship.” Needless to say, it has been rough sailing at Matt’s house for many a day.

Schindler Sez

A wound from a cutting remark…never heals.

The Chair

He recently asked me to be,
On the board of the electric company.
I replied, “Thank you sir,
But I shall politely defer,”
Cause the straps on that chair might fit me.

Schindler Sez

Even a fish wouldn’t get caught if he kept his damn mouth shut!

A Huge Celebration

If “April Fool’s Day,” was really for fools, one hell of a lot of people would be celebrating! Would you?

Mommy!

Whenever I’m following a huge four-wheel drive SUV, inevitably, as it approaches a railroad crossing, the driver slows down to a crawl while cars, big and little, buzz right over the tracks. Recently, during a snow storm, traffic ahead of me was going at a snail’s pace. Every now and again I could see a car buzz around whoever was holding traffic up. When I finally got close enough to see who the culprit was, believe it or not, is was a four-wheel drive SUV. This got me wondering, what would those macho mothers do if they really had to drive on rough terrain. Why, they’d probably call their mommies!

Change

I know I’m getting older but thank God at my age I don’t have to change…but that depends.

A Great Day

I went to the hospital to see my old friend Bob Cook, who had a serious heart problem and was in the coronary care unit. “Bob,” I said, “how ya’ feeling?”
“Oh, I feel pretty good now, but yesterday I had a great day.”
“You did?”
"Yeah, Tom Sefton, my undertaker, came up for a visit and he left without me!”

Just and Reasonable

An airline’s main business is transporting people from one location to another. Anyone with a brain knows this is accomplished by selling seats. Consequently, if a person, for whatever reason, needs two seats, why shouldn’t he/she pay for them? If one requires more than one seat, how can that be prejudice if they have to pay for what they use? After all, isn’t it just and reasonable to conclude that…if you use it…you must pay for it? Finally, if they don’t pay for the seats, other passengers will eventually be charged more to make up for the lost revenue, and that is neither just nor reasonable!

Schindler Sez

At least 90 percent of all convicts are innocent. If you don’t believe me…ask them!

Why?

If you’ve got minimum skills, minimum education and make a minimum contribution to the workplace and society, why in the hell should someone be forced to pay you more than the minimum?
~Anonymous

An Idiotic Question

If every village only has one, how can there be so many on the highways?

Next To

Whenever someone asks Lary for directions, he replies, “Don’t give me the address. Just tell me what tavern or liquor store it’s close to, and I’ll get you there.”

Nuuuns!!!...Nuuuns!!!

My son, John was five in the summer of 1970, and one of his favorite TV programs was “The Flying Nun.” One sunny day, as he was sitting on the porch at our house on Second St. in Decatur, two nuns from St. Joseph’s Catholic School (they still dressed in the full length black habits back then) came walking by. As soon as John spotted them, he jumped off the porch and ran after them shouting, “Nuuuns…nuuuns!” They turned around, saw this little boy coming lickety-split towards them and waited for him to catch up. As soon as he did, he looked up at them and excitedly shouted, “Can you fly?”

Schindler Sez

If you don’t try…nothing happens!

Benjamin Franklin

“A full belly makes a dull brain.”
~Benjamin Franklin