More than One

Many many years ago, when the world was comprised mostly of farms and small rural communities, the dumbest or goofiest person living in each town was referred to as “the village idiot,” It was commonly thought that every village had one.

Today, many folks believe that most communities have a lot more than one! What do you think? Or is that an idiotic question?

The St. Peter Principle

My years as an usher at St. Peter’s Catholic Church have taught me that if you’re late and the church seems packed there’s always room up front!

Judge Bobo

Judge Bobo, a deeply religious man who was well versed in the Bible, was aware that in the Old Testament, Joshua made the sun stand still.

Back during Prohibition, the good judge presided over a court in Decatur, Indiana, and one day a black man, by the name of Joshua, was hauled before him for bootlegging.

“Joshua,” the good-natured judge asked, “Are you the one who made the sun stand?”

“No sir, Mr. Judge, ah’s duh one dat made da moonshine!

Schindler Sez

The best thing about a suicide bomber is…he’ll never have the guts to do it again!

Help Needed

A friend once asked me, “Why do you go to church every Sunday?”

“Well,” I answered, “it’s a little bit like working out. When it’s over, I always feel better. Besides, I honestly believe that it helps me to be a better person and heaven knows I need all the help I can get?”

In Plain English

In the United States, a nation made up of people from every country, culture, and religion in the world, the English language is the common thread that holds us together.

de Seat

In the 1960’s, Ronald Reagan, who was then a movie star and spokesman for the General Electric Company, made a cameo appearance at the Decatur, Indiana, GE. Plant. During that visit, a brief respite was planned at one of the plant executive’s, Roger Schuster’s home.

The neighborhood ladies, anticipating Regan’s arrival, asked Roger’s wife, Irene, what she did to spiff her house up for his visit. “The only thing I did,” she replied, “was to buy a new toilet seat.”

Several years later, when the Schuster’s moved to another city, Irene removed the seat (which Ronnie used) and took it with her. I guess she just didn’t want to part with the memory of de seat! And that’s no crap!

Schindler Sez

Blessed are they who have nothing to say and are wise enough, not to say it!

Bad girls get the guys…

...but only if their good!

The Quiet Woman

Charlie’s mother died, and true to her wishes, he had her cremated. It was a beautiful Indiana summer day when he got a call from the mortuary that his mother’s ashes were ready to be picked up. So he stopped, claimed the urn with her remains and headed to the lake to spend the day.

About halfway there, Charlie looked over at his mother sitting on the front seat and said, “Mom, this is the first time that you ever rode to the lake with me without bitching about my driving.”

Legal

Sixty-three-year old Terry was starting to show his age. He had prostate cancer, the beginning of Parkinson’s disease, and several other maladies. “The problem with getting older,” he told my wife, Fry, “is that I have the whole counter full of drugs…and they’re all legal!”

Schindler Sez

A wise man keeps his wife happy!

Jeff

Jeff was diagnosed with throat cancer, and after extensive surgery and radiation, he was found to be cancer free. On a follow up visit a few months later, after a thorough examination, the good doctor exclaimed, “You’re doing great! No sign of cancer. Are you still smoking?”

“Yeah,” Jeff sheepishly answered.

“Cool,” the doctor responded, “let’s go into the garage and have one.”

Happiness

Happiness has nothing to do with where you are physically, but everything to do with where you are mentally!

No Drive

Prior to World War II, it was fairly common in many small Midwestern towns that a lot of families didn’t own cars and therefore, many folks never learned to drive.

After World War II started, in the early 1940s, Sim Hain, a small town boy from Decatur, Indiana, found himself flying one of the huge, four-engine B24 bombers on missions over theSouth Pacific. Sim flew forty-five missions and had more than a thousand hours of flying time. Consequently, he was a well-seasoned combat pilot.

One particular morning Sim was supposed to pick up the commanding officer (CO) and drive him to his office. After checking out a staff car from the motor pool, Sim showed up at the CO’s quarters with not only a car, but also a driver. When the CO asked him why he brought a driver along, Sim, a little red faced from embarrassment, explained, “Sir, I never learned to drive!”

Schindler Sez

If you want to find out who owns your home…don’t pay your property taxes!

Schindler Sez

If your dog ran away would he be dog-gone?

Dante Alighieri

"The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crises."

The Common Sense Rule

The Congressional Budget Office estimates that Obama’s budget will generate an average deficit of about $1 trillion a year, which most economists agree is unsustainable. Obviously, even with his Harvard education, Obama has never learned the common sense rule of fiscal responsibility, which is, if you spend more than you take in…you’re going go broke! Don’t you think our country would be a lot better off if all politicians lived by this common sense rule?

“Global Warming” …Ooops… “Carbon Pollution”

Scientific findings have confirmed the lack of any significant “global warming” in the past 16 years. As a result it’s hard to scare people into doing something about it, if nothing bad is happening. That’s why the White House has again changed the name of “global warming and next then to “climate disruption.” Since “global warming” seems to have stalled and some major scientific players were poo-pooing “climate disruption,” the White House had no choice but to again change the name. Now the most recent name scam is “carbon pollution.” It’s their way of painting carbon dioxide as if it were black soot billowing from industrial smokestacks. Hence the name, “carbon pollution.” In fact, carbon dioxide is actually what we (humans) exhale and is food for trees and plants. Carbon dioxide is also necessary for all life on earth. If there is any pollution, it has to be from the stench in the White House.