Sue the SOB

Saturday, I stopped by one of my restaurants, Bandido’s, to pick up some chips and salsa to take to the lake. I also got a cup of coffee to go. With the chips and salsa in one hand, the coffee and car keys in the other, I tried to open the car door and spilled the hot coffee all over myself. This made me wonder: could I sue me? 

Without a doubt, if I would have called one of those sleazy, electronic, ambulance-chasing lawyers that advertise on TV, he would have probably said, “Let’s sue the SOB. It’s his fault!” So I guess that verifies it: I can sue me! 
  
Why do we hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to office? 

-Aesop 

Schindler Sez

Are grouchy Germans…Sour Krauts”? 

Extra Storage

As we age the skin under our eyes becomes thinner and looser, which allows fluids to collect there, causing those hated bags. Hell, if my bags get any bigger, it’ll give me a place to store my luggage, which will save me a bundle. 

Drinking Water

Did you read about the Scottish distillery that accidently spilled 1700 gallons of whiskey into a nearby river? In addition to making the fish happy, it has been rumored that some of the locals were drinking the water. But, as far as I can ascertain…no one was kilt. 

The Ass

My friend, Fritz, made a not so funny comment. When I looked at him, he said, “I was just being a wise ass.” 
             “You might be an ass,” I replied, “but you’re not that wise.”

Caring

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards, they simply are the ones who care the most. ~Charles Schultz 

Juan’s Brother

On Saturday mornings I meet my son John, along with a couple of other friends for breakfast. The cashier is a young man named Juan. His brother also works there, but I didn't know his name, so I said, “Juan, is your brother’s name Two?” 
            “No, what made you ask that?” 
            “You know…Juan and Two.” 
            He thought that was a good Juan…I thought it was Two! 

Schindler Sez

I thought about being Jewish, but they pass-overed me. 

Hic!

A recent study has found that too much sugar can kill you. It has been shown to increase blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, etc., etc. The U.S. Center of Disease Control and Prevention called the results sobering. Gee, I have a sweet tooth and all that sugar never sobered me. Hic!

Gas

Now the environmentalists are blaming the recent Artic snow and freezing temperatures that covered almost half of the country, are the result of “Global Warming.” I honestly think those prophets of doom will blame everything from volcanic eruptions to flatulence on “Global Warming.” Isn’t that a gas? 

Father Jeff

Father Jeff is quite a guy, 

I really like his Mass. 

His entire parish also does, 

Because it’s pretty fast. 

(Sorry Lord…I really didn’t want you to read this). 

Thomas Jefferson

April 13th is Thomas Jefferson’s birthday. The following is a quote by John F. Kennedy. “I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House…with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.”

Schindler Sez

If your bucket has a hole in it…get a new one.

The Winners

The top college football coach’s salaries are over a four million dollars a year. That’s ten times more than the President’s annual salary of $400,000. Is it because those coaches are winners! 

Despicable

It used to be lawyers were the most despicable profession and politicians were second. But the politicians have now moved into the number one spot. Since close to 50% of all politicians are lawyers, if that’s not double trouble, there’s not a cow in Texas. Quite frankly, I don’t know where the IRS currently stands on the list, but I hear they’re moving up fast. 

God’s Gifts

Snowcapped mountains, 

Starry nights, 

Blue-green seas, 

Eagle’s flights. 

  

Valley’s lilies, 

Smell so sweet, 

Waving fields 

Of golden wheat. 

  

Colorful flowers, 

Buzzing bees, 

Humming birds, 

God gave us these.

Schindler Sez

If you don’t know what you’re talking about…keep your damn mouth shut.

Schindler Sez

Old doesn't necessarily mean it’s valuable. If it did…I’d be worth millions.

Behind

A friend once said, “I know you won’t believe this, but your best days are behind you.”

So today I looked behind me and sure enough my behind was still behind me. It might not have looked its best, but at least I was in front of it.

Schindler Sez

Why is Greenland mostly ice and Iceland mostly green?