Gas

Now the environmentalists are blaming the recent Artic snow and freezing temperatures that covered almost half of the country, are the result of “Global Warming.” I honestly think those prophets of doom will blame everything from volcanic eruptions to flatulence on “Global Warming.” Isn’t that a gas? 

Father Jeff

Father Jeff is quite a guy, 

I really like his Mass. 

His entire parish also does, 

Because it’s pretty fast. 

(Sorry Lord…I really didn’t want you to read this). 

Thomas Jefferson

April 13th is Thomas Jefferson’s birthday. The following is a quote by John F. Kennedy. “I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House…with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.”

Schindler Sez

If your bucket has a hole in it…get a new one.

The Winners

The top college football coach’s salaries are over a four million dollars a year. That’s ten times more than the President’s annual salary of $400,000. Is it because those coaches are winners! 

Despicable

It used to be lawyers were the most despicable profession and politicians were second. But the politicians have now moved into the number one spot. Since close to 50% of all politicians are lawyers, if that’s not double trouble, there’s not a cow in Texas. Quite frankly, I don’t know where the IRS currently stands on the list, but I hear they’re moving up fast. 

God’s Gifts

Snowcapped mountains, 

Starry nights, 

Blue-green seas, 

Eagle’s flights. 

  

Valley’s lilies, 

Smell so sweet, 

Waving fields 

Of golden wheat. 

  

Colorful flowers, 

Buzzing bees, 

Humming birds, 

God gave us these.

Schindler Sez

If you don’t know what you’re talking about…keep your damn mouth shut.

Schindler Sez

Old doesn't necessarily mean it’s valuable. If it did…I’d be worth millions.

Behind

A friend once said, “I know you won’t believe this, but your best days are behind you.”

So today I looked behind me and sure enough my behind was still behind me. It might not have looked its best, but at least I was in front of it.

Schindler Sez

Why is Greenland mostly ice and Iceland mostly green?

The View

I was scheduled to have lunch with my old friend, Shirl Swarts. When I met up with him, I shook his hand and said, “Hi Shirl, it’s good to see you.

“Yeah,” he replied, “It’s better to see me than to view me.”

Neighborly

Love your neighbor…but don’t take down the fence.

Paraphrasing an olde adage.

The Arrangement

When General Norman Schwarzkopf, who was in charge of Desert Storm, was asked if he could forgive the people who helped the terrorists, his answer was classic Schwarzkopf. He said, “I believe forgiving them is God’s function…our job is to arrange the meeting.”

Never

Almost every morning some of my old friends get together at a local restaurant and tell fish stories. You know…stories that get bigger and bigger every day.

He’s Over There

Glen Beck was calling convenient stores to see how astute the employees were. On one call, he asked the girl answering the phone where Benghazi was. “I don’t know,” she replied, “you can probably find him at Walmart.”`

Who’s He

Research by the University of Gothenburg in Sweden, has shown that women prone to anxiety and easily stressed out, were twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s. So ladies, calm down and be nice to your husbands, or the day may come when you won’t know him. Or is that a good thing?

Schindler Sez

A lot of people go on about things they know nothing about.

The Ombudsman

Ninety- year-old Sim, went to the courthouse to talk to the woman who was recently appointed ombudsman. On seeing a young lady walking down a hallway, he said, “Excuse me pretty lady, are you the ombudsman?”

“No,” she replied, “I’m a Hockemeyer.”

The Picture.

In the fashion world, the color orchid is all the rage. To me it looks like purple. But we all know an orchid dress is perceived to be a lot classier and therefore more expensive than a purple one. Ladies, I hope you don’t have to look at the Mona Lisa to get the picture here.