Schindler's Rules of Law

Schindler's first rule of law; avoid lawyers!

Schindler's second rule of law; avoid lawyers!

Schindler's third rule of law; keep avoiding those bastards!

Schindler Sez

Is that rancid smell in Iowa coming from the hogs, or is it coming from the politicians?

She Still Won't

The man, next in line at Walgreen's, watched as the cashier rang up a customer. When the automatic change dispenser didn't work, the cashier smacked it and, lo and behold, the correct change came rolling out. "I just love doing that," she said with a mischievous grin.
"So do I," the male chauvinist customer replied, "but my wife still won't work!

Those Fools and Our Money

It's hard for me to understand why the United states of America, is still giving billions in aid to Third World and other countries that is too often misappropriated (a nice word for stolen), or squandered, while we go deeper and deeper into debt. Only a fool gives his money away when he can't even pay his own bills.
Would somebody please explain this to the President, our elected officials and the bureaucrats? Finally, don't you think that money would better utilized if it was spent on fixing our economy and taking care of our own?

The Bobcat and the Hare

A sick bobcat lay in the grass for several days before he began to fee better. Still too weak to hunt for something to eat, he finally spotted a rabbit.
"Mr. Hare," called the bobcat, "I'm too weak to get up . Would you mind helping me so I can go get something to drink?
"Oh, no," answered Mr. Hare. "You'll eat me. I know bobcats love to eat rabbits."
"But, I promise," said the bobcat, "that if you help me, I won't eat you and I will never eat any of your children again."
"Do you really mean it?"
"Cross my heart and hope to die," swore the bobcat.
"Okay," said Mr. Hare, "but remember, you promised." And he went over to lend him a hand. As soon as he tried to help him, the bobcat grabbed Mr. Hare and gobbled him up.
Moral: Desperate creatures are doubly dangerous!

Schindler Sez
Companies that don't make money...don't make it.

Freddy Optimism

I had breakfast this morning with an old high school buddy, Freddy Eyanson. He told me that he had leukemia, but said it wasn't the bad kind.
"Why," he went on, "Ill probably outlive it!"

Entitled

We all know folks who have a very high opinion of their opinion. Nevertheless, I'd like to point out that everyone is entitled to their opinion...no matter how erroneous!

The Want

The problem with too many low or no-income folks is they want things they aren't willing to work for!

Booze'n

If you can't stop after you start...it's time to quit before you begin!

The Battle

The arrogant corporate execs and the Wall Street traders are a classic case of a well-educated group with greed oozing from every pore. Apparently they've never learned that when there's a battle between greed and common sense, greed always wins by a knockout! If only they could understand that ultimately the greedy winners will, sooner or later become the greedy losers. Then maybe, just maybe, there would be less greed in the world. But don't count on it. Greedy SOBs abound!

Not Funny

Sometimes reading the news in the newspaper is such a downer, by time I get to the funnies, they aren't funny.

The Real Owner

If you want to find out who really owns your home,
don't pay your property taxes!

Happiness

Happiness has nothing to do with where you are physically,

but everything to do with where you are mentally!

Jeff

Jeff was diagnosed with throat cancer, and after extensive surgery and radiation, he was found
to be cancer free. On a followup visit a few months later, after a thorough examination, the good doctor exclaimed, "You're doing great! No sign of cancer. Are you still smoking?"
"Yeah, Jeff sheepishly answered."
"Cool," the doctor responded, "lets go into the garage and have one."

No Drive
Prior to World War II, it was fairly common in many small Midwestern towns that a lot of families didn't own cars and therefore many folks never learned to drive.
After World War II started, in the early 1940s, Sim Hain, a small town boy from Decatur, Indiana, found himself flying one of the huge, four-engine, B24 bombers on missions over the South Pacific. Sim flew 45 missions and had more than a thousand hours of flying time. Consequently, he was a well-seasoned combat pilot.
One particular morning Sim was supposed to pick up the commanding officer (CO) and drive him to his office. After checking out a staff car from the motor pool, Sim showed up at the CO's quarters with not only a car, but also a driver. When the CO asked him why he brought a driver along, Sim, a little red-faced from embarrassment, explained, "Sir, I never learned to drive!"

Over Three Thousand

At the edge of Fort Wayne, Indiana, on highway#33 and also on highway #14 (Illinois Road), for the past two years plus, they have been widening approximately a two mile stretch on each of those roads and they still aren't finished. That's less than an average of one mile of new finished highway per year, per road.
Now if the same bureaucrats and companies were to build a highway, at that pace, across the United States, which is roughly three thousand miles, it would take them, you guessed it, over three thousand years! I believe the ancient Romans could have done it faster by hand, using just donkeys and mules! But, obviously they wouldn't have put the asses in charge!

Bad Girls
Bad girls get the guys...but only if they're good!

The Common Sense Rule
The Congressional Budget Office estimates that President Obama's budget will generate an average deficit of about a $1 trillion a year, which most economists agree is unsustainable. Obviously, even with his Harvard education, Obama has never learned the common sense rule of fiscal responsibility, which is, if you spend more than you take in...you're going to go broke.
Don't you think our country would be a lot better off if all politicians lived by this rule?

Legal
Sixty-three-year old Terry was starting to show his age. He had prostrate cancer, the beginning of Parkinson's disease, and several other maladies "The problem with getting older," he told my wife, Fry, "is that I have a whole counter full of drugs...and they're all legal!

The Quiet Woman
Charlie's mother died and, true to her wishes, he had her cremated. It was a beautiful Indiana summer day when he got a call from the mortuary that his mother's ashes were ready to be picked up. So he stopped, claimed the urn with her remains and headed to the lake to spend the day.
About halfway there, Charlie looked over at his mother sitting on the front seat and said, "Mom, this is the first time you ever rode to the lake with me without bitchin' about my driving."

Schindler Sez
Bad girls get the guys...but only if their good!

The Common Sense Rule

The Congressional Budget Office estimates that Obama's budget will generate an average deficit of about a trillion a year, which most economists agree is unsustainable. Obviously, even with his Harvard education, Obama has never learned the common sense rule of fiscal resonsibility, which is, if you spend more than you take in...you're going to go broke! Don't you think our country would be a lot better off if all politicians lived by this common sense rule?

Schindler Sez

A wise man keeps his wife happy!

There Legal

Sixty-three-year old Terry was starting to show his age. He had prostate cancer, the beginning of Parkinson's disease, and several other maladies. "The problem with getting older," he told my wife, Fry, "is that I have a whole counter full of drugs...and they're all legal!"

The Quiet Woman

Charlie's mother died, and true to her wishes, he had her cremated. It was a beautiful Indiana summer day when he got a call from the mortuary that his mother's ashes were ready to be picked up. So he stopped, claimed the urn with her remains and headed to the lake to spend the day.
About halfway there, Charlie looked over at his mother sitting on the front seat and said, "mom, this is the first time that you ever rode to the lake with me without bitchin' about my driving."

The Blessed

Blessed are they who have nothing to say and are wise enough not to say it!

In Plain English

In the United States, a nation made up of people from every country, culture, and religion in the world, the English language is the common thread that holds us together.

Help Needed

A friend once asked me, "Why do you go to church every Sunday?"
"Well, I answered, "it's a little bit like working out. When it's over, I always feel better. Besides, I honestly believe that it helps me to be a better person and, heaven knows, I need all the help I can get!"

de Seat

In the 1960s, Ronald Reagan, wh was then a movie star and spokesman for the General Electric Company, made a cameo appearance at the Decatur, Indiana, GE, plant. During that visit a brief respite was planned at the home of Roger Schuster, one of the plant's executives.
The neighborhood ladies, anticipating Reagan's arrival, asked Roger'
s wife, Irene, what she did to spiff her house up for his visit. "The only thing I did," she replied, 'was to buy a new toilet seat."
Several years later, when the Schuster's moved to another city, Irene removed the seat (which Ronnie used), and took it with her. I guess she just didn't want to part with the memory of de seat! And that's no crap!

The Saint Peter Principle

My years as an usher at St. Peter's Catholic Church have taught me that if you're late and the church seems packed there's always room up front!

Never Again

The best thing about a suicide bomber is...he'll never have the guts to do it again!

Judge Bobo

Judge Bobo, a deeply religious man who was well versed in the Bible, was aware that in the Old Testament, Joshua made the sun stand still. Back during Prohibition, the good judge presided over a court in Decatur, Indiana, and one day a black man by the name of Joshua, was hauled before for bootlegging.
"Joshua, " the good natured judge asked, "Are you the one who made the sun stand?"
"No sir, Mr. Judge, ah's duh one dat made da moonshine!"