May 26, 2012

#157 Week of May 27, 2012

Schindler Sez

Beware. The path of least resistance is a dead end trail.

Book’n

            With the event of eBooks, Kindle, iPads etc, one can now download and read just about any book. And since Borders (book stores) went bankrupt and Barnes & Noble seems to be in trouble, many people are predicting the end of printed books as we know them. In retrospect, when television came out, the pundits thought that would be the end of movies. So what do they know? Quite frankly, I believe the printed book will last as long as mankind. But no matter what happens, I personally am going to keep on book’n.

A Wife’s Credo

What’s mine is mine…and what’s yours is ours. 

Just the Bare Facts

            The Supreme Court recently ruled that people charged with minor offenses, like traffic violations or public intoxication, can be strip searched, even if there is no reasonable doubt that they might be concealing weapons, drugs, or other contraband. I guess The Supreme Court wants to insure that the police get to see the bare facts.

May 19, 2012

Schindler Sez

            As long as you can still see the green side of the grass, you’re doing just fine.

Definition

Excuses: attempts to justify failure.

Where to Go

While talking to a friend of ours, she happened to mention she was the youngest of nine kids.

My wife, Fry, then mentioned that I was also the youngest of nine. “And he’s the only one living. Isn’t that strange?”

“Yeah,” I chimed in. “The good Lord doesn’t want me yet and the Devil won’t have me. So if any of you good folks are tempted to tell me where to go…I want you all to know I can’t go there.” Thank you Jesus!

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

                                                                                                                                    ~Anonymous

Stinks

            If you start your own business and succeed, you are an entrepreneur. However, if you fail you are an entremanure. And let me tell you, I’ve been called both and being a farm boy, I know which one stinks.

May 12, 2012

Schindler Sez

It doesn’t matter which way you go, as long as you get there.

True Love

            76-year-old country music singer, Jerry Lee Lewis, was recently married for the seventh time to his cousin’s ex-wife. Ain’t love grand? I just hope this isn’t his swan song.

The Skivvie on Sim’s Fondest Memory

            During breakfast this morning with my eighty-three-year-old friend, Sim Hain, at the West End Restaurant, I asked him what his fondest memory was of growing up in Decatur, Indiana. Without any hesitation, he said, “It was when I met my wife, Pat. I was a junior in high school and she was a sophomore. We’ve been married sixty-one years.  Why, just this past week, we put on some old records and danced in our Skivvies!”

Real Bread

            Sometimes money is referred to as bread and sometimes it’s referred to as dough. Therefore, isn’t it logical to say that you have to make a lot of dough before you make any bread? But I don’t care if you have a lot of dough or a lot of bread, I’ll be your friend.

May 5, 2012

Schindler Sez

Are hockey fans…puckers?

The Ass

            On Palm Sunday, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on an ass, followed by a procession of his followers, while others laid palms and their cloaks in his path.

            In Pat’s church on that day, a re-enactment of Jesus’ triumphant entry was held. As the procession passed Pat’s pew, Sim, her husband, whispered into her ear, “Where’s the ass?”

            Whispering back into his ear, Pat said, “Sitting next to me.”

Go At It

The University of California psychologists have found that gossip can be therapeutic and make you feel better. So go at it ladies, as if you need any additional encouragement.

The Catcher

            Calvin Johnson, an All-Pro receiver, recently signed an eight year contract with the Detroit Lions for $132 million. Darn! When I was a kid, I should of spent more time catching the football. Just think if it wasn’t for should of, could of or would of, I’d be making a lot of dough.

To all you wonderful mothers out there… Schindler Sez…”Happy Mother’s Day!”

April 28, 2012

Schindler Sez

What’s French about toast?

Is He?

If a comedian tells jokes sitting down, is he still a stand-up comedian?

Think Positive

Having more than one wife, sounds like a horror story to most men. But gentlemen think positive. At least one of them wouldn’t have a headache!

Today’s Lesson

The SNAP Food Benefits (used to be called Food Stamps) administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing the greatest amount of free meals and food stamps ever.

            Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, says “Please Do Not Feed the Animals.” This may make them grow dependent on handouts and not learn to care for themselves.

Thus ends today’s lesson. Any questions?

June 30, 2012

Schindler Sez 

"Don't be afraid to say:

"I don't know."

"I was wrong."

"I need help."

"I'm sorry."

 The Gift

About two years after Johnny's wife died, he remarried. Months later he took his new bride out to the cemetery to visit his first wife's grave and the plot intended for his final resting place. On the way home, his second wife asked, "Honey, where am I going to be buried?"

"Don't worry," he answered, "I have another plot right next to mine."

As a gift, on their their first anniversary, he gave that plot to his current wife. When the next anniversary rolled around, she said, "Honey, did you forget our anniversary was yesterday?"

"No, why?"

"You didn't get me anything," she replied, with a wounded look."

Hell, you didn't use the gift I gave you last year!"

Independence Day

July the fourth,

I'm proud to say, 

We celebrate,

"Independence Day.

But for many folks,

It's sad to say,

Their final decree.

Was "Independence Day."

Schindler Sez

 June 30, 2012

Schindler Sez

Don't be afraid to say:

"I don't know."

"I was wrong."

"I need help."

"I'm sorry."

 The Gift

About two years after Johnny's wife died, he remarried. Months later, he took his new bride out to the cemetery to visit his first wife's grave and the plot intended for his final resting place. On the way home, she wife asked, "Honey, where am I going to be buried?"
"Don't worry," he answered, "I have another plot right next to mine.
As a gift, on their first anniversary, he gave that plot to his current wife. When their next anniversary rolled around around, she asked, "Honey, did you forget our anniversary was yesterday?
"No. Why?"
"You didn't get me anything." she replied with a wounded look.
"Hell, you didn't use the gift I gave you last year."

 Independence Day

July the fourth,

I'm proud to say,

Independence Day.

But for many folks,

It's sad to say,

Their final decree,

Was their "Independence Day."